IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that educating people about the problems of eating too much fast food has no effect and that other measures should be taken to tackle this issue. What is your opinion?

Food
Use synonyms
 has an essential role in the development
and
Change preposition
of and
show examples
 healthy lifestyle,
while
Linking Words
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is
convinent
Correct your spelling
convenient
 and easily accessible to
people
Use synonyms
. Consuming
food
Use synonyms
 prepared outside
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 has many effects
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, overweight and other cardiovascular diseases. Educating
people
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
 problem is crucial
although
Linking Words
 there are other measures that should be put
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 consideration in order to curb
this
Linking Words
 issue.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give my stand on
ther
Correct your spelling
their
 measure.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that consuming large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 has no effect because they lack knowledge about the problems that may arise. Eating fast
food
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such
Linking Words
 as pizza,
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 and
sandwich
Fix the agreement mistake
sandwiches
show examples
 is
convienent
Correct your spelling
convenient
 and easily accessible.
However
Linking Words
, eating junk
food
Use synonyms
resulting
Replace the word
results
show examples
 in large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
 leading to overweight and obesity.
Also
Linking Words
, high
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
 in the
blood stream
Correct your spelling
bloodstream
show examples
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 cardiovascular diseases.
Secondly
Linking Words
, creating
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public awareness in schools, social media and religious
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
 about eating
food
Use synonyms
 prepared outside
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 should be considered. Research carried out in United
State
Fix the agreement mistake
States
show examples
 shows that 70% of students eat in a
restuarant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 because it
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
 both time and money but not considering the
health
Use synonyms
 implications.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is needed to tackle
this
Linking Words
 frequent eating
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming more obese. The government should tax
restuarant
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 in order to decrease
it
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
. In conclusion, the
incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 frequency of eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 has become a public
health
Use synonyms
concerns
Correct the article-noun agreement
concern
show examples
 considering its negative
health
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 consequences including
obesity related
Add a hyphen
obesity-related
show examples
 risks. The general public should be educated about the ill
health
Use synonyms
 effects of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk foods in various
form
Fix the agreement mistake
forms
show examples
, and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 intervene.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas are clearly linked. Use more connecting words to help the reader follow your points.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. Restate your main points clearly in both parts.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas. This will help make your arguments stronger.
content
You address an important issue regarding fast food and health.
content
Your essay is easy to read and has a clear topic.
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