IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that the government should invest more in public services instead of arts like music and theatre. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Government spending has long been debated, particularly whether funds should prioritize essential public
services
Use synonyms
 or be invested in the arts.
While
Linking Words
 cultural fields like music and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 can contribute to national identity,
this
Linking Words
 essay argues that investing in public
services
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as education,
healthcare
Use synonyms
, and infrastructure has a more direct impact on citizens’ well-being and long-term societal progress. One major reason why governments should invest more in public
services
Use synonyms
 is the overpopulation of urban areas. Many individuals are moving to metropolitan areas for job opportunities and to have a better quality of life.
Therefore
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, overpopulation of these cities causes
traffic
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 jams, limited transportation options, housing problems, and insufficiency in
healthcare
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. To mitigate
this
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 issue, governments should invest more in improving transportation
services
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,
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
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 road safety,
instruct
Wrong verb form
instructing
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 roads to ease
traffic
Use synonyms
,
expand
Wrong verb form
expanding
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 affordable housing,
as well as
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 raise awareness of health issues through campaigns and
hire
Wrong verb form
hiring
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 more
healthcare
Use synonyms
 providers to reduce waiting hours in hospitals. Societal problems are crucial for citizens’ long-term lives.
Although
Linking Words
 music and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 are important for cultural events, the digitalization and urbanization of the modern world are
significant
Correct quantifier usage
more significant
show examples
 than before. Many people are following trends on social media; from cuisine to art, many cultural preferences are now shaped by digital platforms.
Therefore
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, investing in the arts will be inadequate and inefficient for developing a country.
For example
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, the historical city of Rome has been struggling with
traffic
Use synonyms
 and inadequate transportation for years,
although
Linking Words
 it is one of the cities that has preserved art for years. In conclusion, public service investment should be prioritized to give people a more developed country. Arts are essential, but only to keep cultural identity away, which is fading
due to
Linking Words
 the digitalization of the world.
Therefore
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, improving real-life problems like
traffic
Use synonyms
,
healthcare
Use synonyms
, and construction would be better
long-term
Change preposition
for long-term
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 societal progress and generations.

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task achievement
Make sure all points are well supported with examples to strengthen your argument. This will help provide a clearer, more complete response.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to better guide the reader. This will improve the logical flow of ideas in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make your conclusions more focused by summarizing key points. This can enhance the overall clarity of your argument.
task achievement
You have presented a clear argument in favor of public service investment, which is well-defined.
task achievement
Your essay displays a good understanding of the topic and relevant issues, which is commendable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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