IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweight disadvantages?

In some nations, most
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 youth continue to stay with their family members after completing their university education and securing jobs. I think
this
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 trend has the advantages of having financial benefits, emotional
support
Use synonyms
, comfort strong bonds outweigh the certain disadvantages, especially privacy concerns, dependency issues and restricting them from following their social norms. One of the main benefits is financial
support
Use synonyms
 from family members which is not possible by living far from them.
For instance
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, individuals have to pay for rent, groceries, and electricity bills when they choose to live in bigger cities which not only increases their expenses but
also
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 makes them depressed to pay off these debts. But
support
Use synonyms
 them financially and they can use their savings to spend on their future goals.
Moreover
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, living with the family provides emotional stability and psychological
support
Use synonyms
 which is mainly good for mental health. By having it, they can share the ups and downs in their business which assists them in relieving stress.
Furthermore
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, one's home is like a comfort zone for everyone where they can manage and organize things as per their own wish. At home, they can simply enjoy home-cooked meals
instead
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 of buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from restaurants.
Additionally
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,
this
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 era promotes strong bonds among family members when they live under one roof and share their roles and responsibilities as well.
In contrast
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, individuals become dependent on their parents to make any kind of decision. And later in life, they may face difficulty in choosing the right path for them.
This
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 aspect will create problems in their marriage life when they share their personal matters with others and
as a result
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, family conflicts and divorce issues occur.
Secondly
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, every individual has a right to live their own life, but families take their personal space and freedom for those who value autonomy.
In addition
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, they force them to follow their cultural values
instead
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 of following others.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is true that adults love to stay with their loved ones after getting better jobs. Undoubtedly, it creates privacy concerns, lack of freedom and decision-making ability but I think it has more pros to developing better understanding, convenience, emotional and financial assistance etcetera.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with one main idea.
task achievement
Use more examples to support your points, which will help make your ideas clearer.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your writing covers personal feelings and connections, which adds an emotional touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial benefits
  • emotional support
  • intergenerational bonding
  • shared responsibility
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • dependency
  • privacy concerns
  • personal freedom
  • cultural expectations
  • social stigma
  • delayed milestones
  • cohabitation
  • autonomy
  • rent and utilities
What to do next:
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