Some people think sports in schools is a waste of time and resources, while other believe it is a vital part of education. Discuss both the view and give your opinion.

Sports

Use synonyms

are an imperative

part

Use synonyms

of life as it has a tendency to provide a healthy life . Some individuals think

sports

Use synonyms

in educational institutes are a waste of time and resources.

However

Linking Words

, others think it is a crucial

part

Use synonyms

of academic studies. I agree that

sports

Use synonyms

should be a

part

Use synonyms

of schools. I am going to discuss both views and my opinion in

further

Linking Words

paragraphs. To commence with ,some masses and I believe that it has tremendous of benefits because

sports

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will help children to discover a hidden talent and

as a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

they may opt it as a profession .

For instance

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, Messi who is a famous soccer player started playing

this

Linking Words

game when he was a kid , and now he is an inspiration for youngsters.

Moreover

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, playing games assists younger ones to enhance their physical and mental health

therefore

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, it will upsurge their cognitive thinking. Simultaneously, they can solve convoluted as they can handle studies

along with

Linking Words

games and

this

Linking Words

situation will teach them how to complete distinct tasks side by side .

On the other hand

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, some people have different notions that

sports

Use synonyms

should be a

part

Use synonyms

of adolescents' lives because it will have detrimental effects on their growth and well-being. Nowadays education is very expensive and their parents expect an extraordinary performance in order to get amazing marks which will help them to get a placement in the University for their higher education.

For instance

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, getting admission to Oxford University is not an easy task that, pupils should perform 100% and they should have different skills and talents.They spend more than 7 hours in school to meet the demands of the institution in order to complete their assignments . After school hours, they have to go to extra tuition classes to perform well in their annual exams to beat the competition.

To conclude

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, I believe that getting good marks is paramount ,

however

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sports

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will help them to provide a different environment where they will not experience anxiety and stress

hence

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they can concentrate more .

This

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will help them to become a better version of themselves and they can shape their characters in a better way.

Kaurharvinder2984

Jul 1, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Improve the flow of ideas between paragraphs for better understanding.

task achievement

Provide more examples to support your opinions and claims.

coherence and cohesion

Make sure each paragraph has one clear main idea.

language use

Work on grammar and sentence structure to avoid confusion.

task achievement

Good attempt to present both sides of the argument.

task achievement

You have relatable examples that connect to your points.

task achievement

You express your opinion clearly at the end of the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

362 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

holistic educational environment
physical health
participation in sports
teamwork
leadership
discipline
personal development
academic performance
concentration
stress reduction
career success
resource allocation
injury risk
academic achievement
university preparation
motivational engagement
non-athletic students

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