IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People today are suffering more and more stress related problems than in the past. What is the cause of this? What are the possible effects of this development

Nowadays, the problems related to
stress
Use synonyms
 and
anxiety
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 have become more common in society, especially among young people, compared to before. There are numerous reasons for
this
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 new hardship in our lives, which would result in many consequences. It goes without saying that a lot of factors could cause
stress
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.
While
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 some factors could be solved, some would be out of our control, which generates extreme
anxiety
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. To give a clear example, recent wars between Iran and Israel or Russia and Ukraine have made people unsure about their future and what's next for them,
thus
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 causing inevitable pressure. The rise in technology and social media could be counted as another factor in being under
stress
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. Trying to live up to social media standards of a happy life is something impossible to achieve, which mostly leads to constant pressure and an inadequate feeling.
On the other hand
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, constantly being under
stress
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 leads to health and mental problems,
such
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 as suffering from
anxiety
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 and depression, which is a common issue among adolescents these days. Unfortunately, to solve
this
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 worry, more and more of the new generation tend to use pills and drugs, which has an unavoidable outcome of addiction or even overdose. In conclusion, I believe
due to
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 a lot of factors in our lives, most people suffer from tension and
anxiety
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, which could develop into possible effects like mental illness.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear but could include the main points you will discuss. This helps to give a better roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
You have good main points, but they need more simple details to explain them better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more smoothly. For example, use words like 'furthermore' or 'in addition' to link your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Review the conclusion to rephrase key ideas from your essay. This helps remind the reader of your argument clearly.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of the topic and present relevant issues that many people face today.
task achievement
Your examples, like the wars and social media, are appropriate and help showing the reasons for stress.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stress-related problems
  • work-life balance
  • mental health issues
  • economic pressures
  • information overload
  • burnout
  • single-parent households
  • support systems
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • productivity
  • anxiety
  • job security
  • social media stress
  • well-being
  • long working hours
  • expectations from employers
What to do next:
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