IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

With the
popultion
Correct your spelling
population
 of national security, the serious
crime
Use synonyms
 rates are decreasing in some nations.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are feeling less secure than before. I think there are several reasons
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 problem. The government should implement corresponding policies and measures to address
this
Linking Words
 problem. The decrease
of of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 serious
crime
Use synonyms
 circumstances does not mean "all kinds of
crimes
Use synonyms
" disappear.
Conversely
Linking Words
, other relatively light
crimes
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as personal attack, intensive injury, and robbing may increase.
For example
Linking Words
, the
increse
Correct your spelling
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 domestic
violence
Use synonyms
 panic
people
Use synonyms
 from getting married. On one hand, the cost of
these
Change the determiner
this crime
these crimes
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 is relatively low, which leads to some illegal groups of
people
Use synonyms
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 more easily. Take domestic
violence
Use synonyms
 as an example. The attacker can implement
violence
Use synonyms
 everywhere
while
Linking Words
 the victim
is
Verb problem
finds it
show examples
 hard to seek help from outside.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
monitor
Replace the word
monitoring
show examples
 of national administrative departments may
loose
Wrong verb form
be lost
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 serious
crimes
Use synonyms
. These are the primary causes that directly contribute to
people
Use synonyms
's insecurity nowadays. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, from
short-term
Add an article
a short-term
show examples
 perspective, relative
depatments
Correct your spelling
departments
 should reinforce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
monitor
Replace the word
monitoring
show examples
 and severely attack
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
minor
crimes
Use synonyms
. Only
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 high attention to these minor cases of
crime
Use synonyms
 can
arise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 concerns
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 society.
For example
Linking Words
, taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic
violence
Use synonyms
 as intensive injury and sending
crimenals
Correct your spelling
criminals
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 jail may be effective. From
long-term
Add an article
a long-term
show examples
 perspective, the educational field should take
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
action. Conducting promotional campaigns regarding the
crimes
Use synonyms
 and laws may help reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate from the root. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
's safety is highly related to the national attitudes towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
. Addressing the
crimes
Use synonyms
 seriously can
definately
Correct your spelling
definitely
 level up
people
Use synonyms
's well-being.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states the main ideas you will discuss in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words (like 'firstly', 'however', 'for example') to help guide the reader through your ideas.
task response
Try to explain your ideas in more detail to give the reader a better understanding.
task response
You have identified key issues related to crime and safety in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main point well, indicating the connection between safety and crime management.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • availability heuristic
  • media coverage
  • misinformation
  • urbanization
  • community cohesion
  • justice system
  • economic inequality
  • community policing
  • media literacy
  • surveillance
  • swift justice
  • social cohesion
  • neighborhood watch
  • deterrent
What to do next:
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