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Writing Samples
Band 3

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

It is quite obvious that young individuals learn intellectual and social life from influence. One group of people say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
parents
Correct word choice
that parents
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 play an important role
for
Change preposition
in
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 adolescence
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 side
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
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 that teachers have more authority
for
Change preposition
over
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children
Change noun form
children's
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 development. There are compelling reasons why people back the idea of parents contributing to the growth of personality among kids. The prominent one is youngsters tend to absorb personality from other people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if a family has
disabled
Correct article usage
a disabled
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 person, the child will mirror the exact same habit and apply
Correct pronoun usage
it on
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on
Change preposition
to
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 themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, parents provide individualized attention and support that
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the number of students, often cannot.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teachers are one of the major parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 teenagers' influence. The dominant factor is,
students
Correct word choice
that students
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 spend most of
the
Change the word
their
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 time in schools or institutions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they learn new skills. In classes, they provide
structured
Add an article
a structured
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 learning environment which helps toddlers to be more confident. Schooling grows moral values among individuals
besides
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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providing
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
 for academic mistakes.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
tutor
Add an article
the tutor
a tutor
show examples
 is supporting and helping a community for betterment
then
Linking Words
 obviously, the child
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 couraged about doing the same things. To infer, I completely agree with the
last
Linking Words
 view because it has more contribution compared to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 as provided information above.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, such as 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' and 'In conclusion.'
positive
You provided a good comparison between the influence of parents and teachers.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
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