IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, fastfood restaurant and supermarket give money to school to promote their products.do you think this is a positive development or negatively development?

I think it is a negative development for both the
school
Use synonyms
 and the
kids
Use synonyms
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
 is the
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 thing you but inside your body, and the
kids
Use synonyms
 need healthy
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as milk and eggs.
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
, healthy
food
Use synonyms
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the child intellect positively
whcih
Correct your spelling
which
 improve schooling journey, so if they
depends
Change the verb form
depend
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 totally
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the fast
food
Use synonyms
 or the supermarket for money it would
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the children on all ages
kids
Use synonyms
 even adolescents. If the schools need funding they should take the money from viable
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 for them like the government or healthy stores. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the schools
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schools
Add a verb
schools are
schools were
show examples
 prone to
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
 with fast
food
Use synonyms
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the fast
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
choise
Correct your spelling
choose
 for getting
monay
Correct your spelling
money
. The education system should held responsible for giving
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad
food
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent
reaserch
Correct your spelling
research
took
Verb problem
was done
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 about the
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
 50% of people
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 used to eat it once a day
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get cancer liver eventually, and 20% of them
obestiy
Correct your spelling
obesity
 above 40 BMI.
On the other hand
Linking Words
. where if the
school
Use synonyms
 provide
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
healthy choices, like a
sea
Correct your spelling
seafood
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 restaurant it is great for
kids
Use synonyms
 and they love it, so it would be
win win
Add a hyphen
win-win
show examples
.
Linking Words
also
Add a comma
also,
show examples
 the majority of the
kids
Use synonyms
 bring a prepare meals from home, so who will buy inside the
school
Use synonyms
 is the minority.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
school
Use synonyms
 is accountable for what they do for them, so they have to be wise,
thoughtfull
Correct your spelling
thoughtful
, and consider with thinking what the best thing for them.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your thoughts more clearly. Have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
Use examples that directly support your main points, making sure they are clearly explained.
language use
Check grammar and spelling to help your ideas come across more clearly.
task achievement
You have strong opinions about the effect of fast food on children.
task achievement
You presented important points about the responsibility of schools.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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