IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that governments should have access to people’s mobile phone call records and messages for safety reasons. Others believe that this information is private and should not be available without permission. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Modern technologies allow us to be in touch with everybody regardless of where we are. But at the same time,
such
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 opportunities are used in a crime allowing criminals to avoid direct contact between them so that the
police
Use synonyms
 can not catch them. In
this
Linking Words
 case, sometimes the only way to solve a crime is to get
Correct article usage
an
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approach to a suspect's device.
However
Linking Words
,
this
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 fact produces a lot of debates regarding
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 violation of personal privacy. Let's look at the most frequent points. First of all, the secrecy of correspondence is the base right of each person, so no one has a force to break it up. The main worries about getting access to phones concern the possibility of
police
Use synonyms
 overreach and losing data to general access.
For example
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, in Russia, there are a lot of reports about illegally checking a phone by policemen just on a street. So people mostly worry that the government can destroy their lives in case of wrong using judicial strength.
On the other hand
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, technology significantly changes our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Although
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 it
additionally
Linking Words
 changes the crime world, the judicial system is less flexible.
While
Linking Words
 illegal groups widely use anonymous messengers to avoid
police
Use synonyms
 attention, the government has still considered the rights and limitations of using messenger records to prove guilt. In some cases as drug selling, the only correspondence is able to give enough evidence.
However
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,
such
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 an option should not be used without strong suspicion and should be regulated by a special law. In conclusion,
although
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 access to private correspondence to
police
Use synonyms
 can prevent crimes, it can make people vulnerable as well
due to
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 ruining their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In my opinion, the government should approve as strict regulating laws as possible so that it can limit law enforcement actions and keep safe of private data.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure your ideas are clearly connected and easy to follow. Use linking words to help the reader understand how your points relate to each other.
task achievement
Try to give a clearer opinion by stating it more directly in your introduction or conclusion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, refer to a specific case or study when talking about police access to data.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well and presents both sides of the argument, which is very important.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the overall structure of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • access
  • privacy
  • communication data
  • public safety
  • terrorist activities
  • serious crimes
  • monitoring
  • tracked
  • unauthorized access
  • fundamental human right
  • abuse of power
  • infringement
  • trust in governmental institutions
  • surveillance capabilities
  • government power
  • overreach
  • strict regulations
  • accountability measures
  • individual rights
  • potential misuse
  • swift interventions
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