IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is more important to spend time developing a successful career. Others believe that it is more important to spend time with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In today`s modern era,
people
Use synonyms
 are thinking that they need to study higher so they can be successful in their
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 other argues that
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is more important to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with family. In my opinion,
successful
Add an article
a successful
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 is more important because with that
people
Use synonyms
 can earn enough
money
Use synonyms
, in
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
, they can provide good facilities
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
family
Correct pronoun usage
their family
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, study and higher
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 can give a person more chances to be successful in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, If
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 is qualified in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 education and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 good skills, he can get
high
Add an article
a high
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 paying job.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if he
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
 good
money
Use synonyms
, he can save more
money
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 for
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 family and can help them with their basic needs, as their
parents
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 can
be spend
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
 more peacefully with good facilities in hand. Saving is
also
Linking Words
 important for an individual, for their future, so with
successful
Add an article
the successful
a successful
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 they can save and buy enough assets for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Western Sydney University says, who spend
time
Use synonyms
for study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and their
career
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become
more rich
Replace the words
richer
show examples
 in future and can keep their family happy. On the other side, it is
undinable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
truth
Replace the word
true
show examples
 that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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time
Use synonyms
 with family is
also
Linking Words
important
Add an article
an important
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 part of
life
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 but
due to
Linking Words
busy
Correct pronoun usage
their busy
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 work
life
Use synonyms
people
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 often give
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
less
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to family and friends.
People
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nowaday`s
Wrong verb form
nowaday are
show examples
 busy with
Correct pronoun usage
their job
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and they may leave abroad for work and high paid jobs, so they
ended
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 up giving little
time
Use synonyms
 to
family
Correct pronoun usage
their family
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their family always, so it is
utmost
Change preposition
of utmost
show examples
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 to spend holiday
time
Use synonyms
 with
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 article in
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
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 of India
says
Correct pronoun usage
that says
show examples
,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 abroad
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
often
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to
comming
Correct your spelling
come
 home to spend their off days with family and friends,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 they get
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
building their
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
often miss their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
,
despite
Correct word choice
and despite
show examples
they earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 good
money
Use synonyms
 they
coming
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 home to enjoy holidays with
Use synonyms
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 and besties. As
this
Linking Words
 is
utmost
Change preposition
of utmost
show examples
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 to spend your valuable
time
Use synonyms
 with relatives.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define both sides of the argument. Expand on your points for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking your ideas more smoothly. Use more transition words to help the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar and spelling carefully to avoid mistakes that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You presented your opinion clearly at the beginning.
task achievement
You included examples to support your points.
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