Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views

There is an opinion that,
besides
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making
profits
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,
businesses
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also
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have responsibilities to the community, which remains a topic of debate. From my viewpoint,
while
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generating
profits
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should be a top priority for any company, they
also
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ought to conduct their business in a socially responsible manner. On the one hand, the efforts of companies to maximise their
profits
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may bring certain benefits to society as a whole.
Firstly
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, the higher the
profits
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a company earns, the more taxes it pays to the government.
As a result
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, the authorities will have more revenue to invest in essential sectors
such
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as education and healthcare, thereby improving the quality of life for all citizens.
Secondly
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, when
businesses
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earn large
profits
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, they have greater opportunities for expansion.
For example
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, companies can use
this
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capital to expand production and create more job opportunities for the public.
On the other hand
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, there are several important reasons why
businesses
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should take social responsibility seriously. The first reason is their impact on the environment. Without strict control, business activities can cause serious environmental problems,
such
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as global warming or pollution,
due to
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irresponsible waste disposal.
For instance
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, if factories install proper waste treatment systems
instead
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of discharging toxic chemicals into rivers, water pollution can be significantly reduced. Another reason is that successful
businesses
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should support less fortunate people in society, as they have the financial means to do so.
For example
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, large corporations like Unilever and Vinamilk have improved their public image by engaging in philanthropic activities
such
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as offering scholarships and donating to charity. In conclusion,
although
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I recognise that generating
profits
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is the fundamental principle of doing business,
i
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I
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would argue that all
businesses
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should profoundly reflect upon their social duties.

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task achievement
Make sure to present arguments in a balanced way. It can help to have a clearer view of both sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words more often to improve the flow of your writing. This will help connect your ideas more effectively.
language use
Be careful with small errors such as capital letters. Make sure to always start sentences with a capital letter.
task achievement
The essay presents clear examples to support the main points, showing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly stating the writer's viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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