Some people think that government funding for schools should be spent on science subjects rather than on other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying that governments should allocate funds to education. Some people look upon expenditures spent on science as a better policy, compared to other
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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of
studies
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study
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. As far as I am concerned, I am strongly opposed to
this
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argument, and the reasons will be thoroughly explained as follows.
To begin
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with, not all students are interested in science, so some groups of people will be treated unfairly if the authorities fail to spend money on
diverse
Correct article usage
a diverse
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educational program.
That is
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to say, those who are passionate about other fields like arts or literature will be underserved.
For example
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, I have been dreaming about pursuing a career as a professional dancer since I was a child.
However
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, decades ago, the Taiwanese government implemented regulations that maintained financial support only for science and technology studies.
As a result
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, I had no option but to give up my aspiration
due to
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lacking
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a lack of
enough savings for
further
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advanced training lessons. It is widely accepted that individuals tend to select a major catering to the job market;
therefore
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, there is a risk of an imbalance in human resources in the future.
According to
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a study from National Taiwan University, about 70 per cent of job opportunities in Taiwan are related to semiconductors and software services, which results in the majority of Taiwanese teenagers preferring to learn physics, mathematics, and programming.
On the other hand
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, businesses like publishers or restaurants are now facing challenges in not being able to hire enough well-trained employees. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, funding for schools should be distributed to various subjects for the sake of benefiting every student and protecting every business.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you disagree and why in one short line.
task response
Add one more clear reason about why other subjects also need money. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Your example about yourself is clear, but it feels a bit too personal and not fully real for a school policy essay. Use a more general example too.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are good, but a few lines are long and heavy. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences that match your main idea more closely. This helps the reader follow your point fast.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph has a good idea, but the link between job market choice and school funding can be explained more clearly.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear side: you disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: intro, two body parts, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which helps your points feel stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'To begin with', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' help guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government funding
  • education funding
  • science subjects
  • STEM fields
  • technological advancement
  • innovation
  • economic competitiveness
  • holistic development
  • curriculum
  • real-world applications
  • climate change
  • public health
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • diverse student interests
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