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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the diagram below describes the structure of a home smokery and how it works. (HOANG NHI)

the diagram below describes the structure of a home smokery and how it works. (HOANG NHI)
The diagram illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 of how a household smoker operates and shows how it is used to
smoke
Use synonyms
 food.
Overall
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a man-made and linear
process
Use synonyms
 that consists of three main stages, starting with allowing fresh
air
Use synonyms
 to enter the system and ending with smoking the food inside a box. The
process
Use synonyms
 begins when the lid is opened to allow fresh
air
Use synonyms
 to enter the system, which helps guide the
air
Use synonyms
 towards the next section. In the second stage, the
air
Use synonyms
 moves into a chamber where wood is burned to create
smoke
Use synonyms
. At
this
Linking Words
 step, the lid is closed, and the
smoke
Use synonyms
 is directed to the next part of the equipment through a pipe.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
smoke
Use synonyms
 enters a box
that is
Linking Words
 positioned above ground level. Inside the box, food
such
Linking Words
 as fish is hung and exposed to the
smoke
Use synonyms
 to complete the smoking
process
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, smoke, air with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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