IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best wat to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative wats or reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the present age, there is a debate regarding
crimes
Use synonyms
 and how to deal with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the proper way to decrease the crime
rate
Use synonyms
 is by giving longer
sentences
Use synonyms
. Others
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 say there are many better methods to reduce crime rates.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue of
favor
Check wording
apply
show examples
and latter. On the one hand, many judges have been through many agreements about longer
sentences
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the majority believe that it is a harsh punishment for the human being
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 can steal
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive moments and seconds of their life and cannot be
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 back, which will
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a negative impact on them and cannot be healed from it.
For example
Linking Words
, some
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 after they leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail after a long
Use synonyms
sentences
Fix the agreement mistake
sentence
show examples
, plan to
suicide
Verb problem
commit suicide
show examples
 because they can barely remember anything outside the jail and cannot blend in with the new environment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many proper ways to deal with the increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as financial
fines
Use synonyms
. Many studies until now, showed that money could solve any illegal
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
crimes
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 steal from many stores around the world because of the lack of money
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the best way to treat them is
having them
Verb problem
to impose
show examples
fines
Use synonyms
 that will make them suffer if they want to do any illegal moves. In my opinion, longer
sentences
Use synonyms
 can help our society a little bit
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 drawbacks are more than
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 benefits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, financial
fines
Use synonyms
 may be more effective and helpful for our society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 they protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Check wording
apply
show examples
rights
To sum up
Linking Words
, longer
sentences
Use synonyms
 cannot solve the increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time is a right
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 every human being. I believe other ways
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
Use synonyms
fines
Punctuation problem
fines,
show examples
 can help the government and
people
Use synonyms
 to
minimize
Use the right word
minimise
show examples
 the crime
rate
Use synonyms
 and protect everyone's rights.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly organize your ideas in paragraphs and use clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points and arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and avoid errors that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the conclusion.
task achievement
You included both sides of the argument in your essay, which is important for balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: