IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Doctors recommend that older people should excersice regularly.However many of them do not exercise enough. What are the causes? What can be done to encourage them to exercise?

Doctors
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 that old
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
workout
Use the right word
work out
show examples
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
 basis, but many
people
Use synonyms
 are not doing
exercise enough
Correct word order
enough exercise
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because lack of motivation towards
Use synonyms
workout
Use the right word
working out
show examples
, as they need support and help from their son for
this
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, old
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
motivation and
also
Linking Words
 they are
not
Rephrase
also not
show examples
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
workout
Check wording
exercise
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they are not caring about their
fitness
Use synonyms
, as they
never
Verb problem
have never
show examples
 done
excersice
Correct your spelling
exercise
 in the past.
Moreover
Linking Words
, old
people
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 working
due to
Linking Words
 poverty, so they get little time to relax,
so
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they cannot go to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 or focus on their
workout
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of money and time.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
done
Verb problem
apply
show examples
by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Western Sydney University says,
people
Use synonyms
 with poverty and short of
fitness
Use synonyms
 awareness
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 cannot
Use synonyms
workout
Use the right word
work out
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
often
spend
Verb problem
lead
show examples
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. In order to encourage them,
people
Use synonyms
 or their son can take them
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
morning
Correct article usage
a morning
show examples
 walk and
also
Linking Words
 provide basic exercise equipment,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
can explain
Wrong verb form
explaining to
show examples
 them the importance of
fitness
Use synonyms
 in daily
life
Use synonyms
.
Doctor
Correct article usage
A doctor
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 guide them and teach the method for regular practice, and they can learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Yoga and their need in
life
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can
arrenge
Correct your spelling
arrange
seminar
Fix the agreement mistake
seminars
show examples
 for old
people
Use synonyms
, in order to
encorage
Correct your spelling
encourage
 them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
workout
Use the right word
work out
show examples
, so they can learn and start daily practice.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 article in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Times of India
says
Correct pronoun usage
that says
show examples
, in Mumbai
almost
Punctuation problem
, almost
show examples
 70% old
people
Use synonyms
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
morning
Correct pronoun usage
their morning
show examples
 with the motivation of
Bandra
Correct article usage
the Bandra
show examples
 seminar
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
fitness
Use synonyms
.
to conclude
Linking Words
, many old
people
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 not able to do
Use synonyms
workout
Correct article usage
a workout
show examples
 despite of doctor`s
advie
Correct your spelling
advice
,
due to
Linking Words
 short of time and
less
Correct word choice
limited
show examples
 awareness, after a seminar
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 know about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fitness
Use synonyms
 and
there
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 value in
life
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs clearly with topic sentences. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Make sure to include examples that are clearly explained and related to the main points.
general writing
Use correct grammar and spelling throughout the essay. Check for typos and small errors to improve clarity.
task achievement
You have identified some important reasons why older people do not exercise.
task achievement
Your ideas about encouraging older people to exercise are helpful.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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