IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ESSAY : 2 – CHILDREN ARE FACING MORE PRESSURE NOWADAYS ACADEMIC, SOCIAL AND COMMERCIAL PERSPECTIVES. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THESE PRESSURES AND WHAT MEASURES SHOULD BE TAKEN TO REDUCE THESE PRESSURE?

In recent years, the issue of pressure on children's institutional, social and business perspectives has become a common concern across all sectors of society. I personally believe that there are many factors contributing to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 challenge.
However
Linking Words
, before giving a reasoned conclusion ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will outline some practical initiatives to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue. First and foremost, nowadays technology has shown a great impact on young teenagers in every
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in education.
For example
Linking Words
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 free internet in every
institutions
Fix the agreement mistake
institution
show examples
 where they can do their study as well . It
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 a huge impact on their academic performance as they have all
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 access
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they need for their study. Another worth mentioning reason could be that parents provide smartphones to their juveniles
where
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 they
have to
Verb problem
can
show examples
communate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with others .
For instance
Linking Words
, my cousin has a
samsung galaxy
Fix capitalization
Samsung Galaxy
show examples
 phone and he has to interact with his
aunty
Use the right word
aunt
show examples
 and
auncle
Correct your spelling
uncle
 who are living abroad.
As a result
Linking Words
, he has
this
Linking Words
 little burden which
also
Linking Words
interfere
Correct subject-verb agreement
interferes
show examples
his
Change preposition
with his
show examples
 study.
Linking Words
last
Fix capitalization
Last
show examples
 but not least, some
gurdians
Correct your spelling
guardians
 often hope that their child should be financially stable at an early age by doing part
time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
 job during summer break, which is
rediculous
Use the right word
ridiculous
show examples
 for their growth.
However
Linking Words
, to get rid of
this
Linking Words
 issue, a couple of effective measures should be taken.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the principal of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 ought to emphasise
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hands on
Use the right word
hands-on
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 rather than
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
academic performance. To
site
Use the right word
cite
show examples
 an example, they can make courses on
lab based
Use the right word
lab-based
show examples
 which would help them foster their creativity. Another solution could be that parents should understand their value in society
instead
Linking Words
 of giving any pressure
they
Punctuation problem
; they
show examples
 can give them freedom to lead their life well.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 drawback seems to consist of a number of reasons like
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 good academic performance, keeping social interaction with others , it appears to be possible in order to overcome if possible steps-understanding their value,
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
freedom
Punctuation problem
freedom,
show examples
 are
maintained
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 and
applied
Wrong verb form
applying them
show examples
 in a proper way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear topic sentences to guide your reader through your ideas.
task response
Include more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate different ideas for better organization.
task response
You have addressed the topic by discussing causes and solutions.
task response
Your essay shows a good effort to provide solutions to the issue.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • social acceptance
  • commercial influences
  • standardized testing
  • stress and anxiety
  • fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • unrealistic expectations
  • peer comparison
  • emotional strain
  • targeted marketing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: