IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some think that the government should support retired people financially while others believe they should take care of themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals believe that supporting retired
people
Use synonyms
 is the
government
Use synonyms
's responsibility,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is their own responsibility. The complex nature of which
is
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 more accurate scrutiny of the case. On the one hand, knowing that the
government
Use synonyms
 will take care of the
people
Use synonyms
 after retirement brings
reliefe
Correct your spelling
relief
 to young
people
Use synonyms
 so they spend their money better in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 younger
age
Check wording
years
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withouth
Correct your spelling
without
 thinking about the future.
For instance
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, they can go on vacations whenever they want,
also
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 they can buy any
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 and other items that they want.
This
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 is kind of motivation for them and it
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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 them to work better because they do not need to think about their rainy day, so
this
Linking Words
 could be great for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, taking care of retired
people
Use synonyms
 requires more budget owing
to
Change preposition
because
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 most of the retired individuals are in their elderly age
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they are facing some disabilities or sicknesses which
needs
Verb problem
require
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 more financial resources. In
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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circumstances
Add a comma
circumstances,
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 the
government
Use synonyms
 will be under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 cannot invest much
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 problems and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 the society to a disaster. By way of illustration, the
government
Use synonyms
 cannot invest much
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
youngster's
Check wording
youngsters'
show examples
 education and their schools
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
, it will have a negative impact on not only the
students
Check wording
students'
show examples
 lives but
also
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 helping retired
people
Use synonyms
 by the
government
Use synonyms
 can be individually and emotionally beneficial,
however
Linking Words
, it might be socially and financially problematic.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your main points are clear and fully developed, with more detailed examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better and make your essay easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Revise your introduction to clearly state your opinion on the issue.
Task Achievement
You provided some relevant points about the government's role in supporting retired people.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • support
  • retired
  • financially
  • believe
  • take care
  • comfortably
  • dignity
  • savings
  • needs
  • food
  • housing
  • contributed
  • society
  • work
  • taxes
  • right
  • healthcare
  • costs
  • high
  • medical
  • manage
  • finances
  • planning
  • independence
  • responsibility
  • prepare
  • retirement
  • pension
  • help
  • care
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