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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Young people are committing more crimes. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

The number of crimes committed by youngsters is increasing at a fast pace.
This
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 essay will look at possible reasons for
this
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 problem and suggest solutions to counter
this
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 issue in order to decrease
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate among the younger generation. To start with, a major reason for breaking the law among teenagers is the ever-increasing idealisation of characters in gangster movies. The portrayal of violent cast members as heroes justifies, for a lot of teenagers, their unlawful and dangerous acts committed with no remorse.
Therefore
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, many people, including young men and women, admire
such
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 acts without thinking about their consequences in real life, eventually leading to a fraction of youngsters committing those crimes. A survey conducted among the
students
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 of various universities found out that more than 70% of
students
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' favourite movies normalise unlawful activities. To counter
this
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, the government should impose strict policies and create
awareness
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 in student circles to inform the
students
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 about the consequences of
such
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 behaviour.
This
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 is to say, authorities should put viewership censors on criminal movies and television shows to prevent anyone below a certain age from consuming that content.
Additionally
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,
awareness
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 campaigns should be held in schools and colleges to make sure that
students
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 know about the outcomes of these acts and are not inclined towards committing them.
For example
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, in the UK, crimes committed by underage decreased drastically, more than 60%,
as a result
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 of
awareness
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 measures taken by the UK government.
To conclude
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this
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,
although
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 the number of youngsters breaking the law has reached an all-time high, I believe that it could be countered by controlling the sort of content the younger generation is consuming and by raising
awareness
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is explained well.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points, which will make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Add a few transition words to help your ideas flow better from one sentence to another.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main ideas and provides a clear opinion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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