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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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People have their perspectives in choosing a particular occupation, which contemplates either the work environment or the wages. Some will tend to one statement,
while
 others oppose it, considering it as a better option.
However
, I believe an enjoyable job is more acceptable, which impacts their work performances and lives. Occupying a job that suits their passion, will lead them to a positive circumstance because they mainly feel satisfied and delighted without thinking about the income.
Moreover
, it will significantly reduce their stress levels, which will prevent negative outcomes that might be tough to overcome.
For instance
, in Japan, most occupations are demanding and strict, making the workers feel under pressure continuously.
Therefore
, it will eventually evoke bad thoughts in them,
such
 as committing suicide.
On the other hand
, despite the fulfilled needs and desires, high salaries would not give a promising life either because finance is merely a temporary aspect, which can be unstable unexpectedly.
This
 will stress people out since their demands can not be pleased, even worse it can make them greedy. To exemplify, a boss who only focuses on earning an enormous amount of money will ignore his qualities of life because he only sets eyes on money and puts aside his actual life, which will increase his pettiness. To summarize, I think having a pleasant job would be more impactful positively to most people because it diminishes horrible aspects in their lives,
such
 as stress and unwanted thoughts.
Hence
, the value of money would be less important and be useless compared to focus on creating a better future.
Submitted by hanalyaa29 on

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task achievement
Ensure a more balanced discussion on both views. While you presented arguments favoring an enjoyable job, the counter-argument for high salaries could be elaborated further.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetitive phrasing, such as describing both undesirable life aspects and satisfaction in similar principles. This will enhance the richness of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, wrapping up the points effectively.
task achievement
You used specific examples, such as the case in Japan, to illustrate your points. This strengthens your essay by providing concrete evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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