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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the monetary aid from four organizations to developing countries between 2008 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the monetary aid from four organizations to developing countries between 2008 and 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph gives information about the percentage of individuals going to the gym each month in one region during the period from 1990 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the five visitors exhibited different trends over the given period, they all experienced an
overall
Linking Words
 upward trajectory.
However
Linking Words
, the pace of growth varied, with some visits showing a more rapid increase than others. As the graph shows, in 1990, the 18-24 and 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 groups started at around 5
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 and 6 pecentage, respectively. They followed a gradual growth until the end of the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the 18-24
age
Use synonyms
 group was the highest in 2000.
However
Linking Words
, the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 group showed a stable increase from 1994 to 1998 before reaching approximately 50
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of visitors in the 35-44 and 45-and-over
age
Use synonyms
 groups began at 2
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 and 3
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 in 1990. These grew to reach the same level as the other
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Regarding the 45-and-over
age
Use synonyms
 group, there was a significant, rapid increase over the years, reaching over 20 percentage points.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gives" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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