IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a bit of
controversies
Fix the agreement mistake
controversy
show examples
 when it comes to the consequences of criminal
activities
Use synonyms
. Many individuals, myself included, would argue that
while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 adults are more preferable to be punished rather than youths, the opposite is others believe that it could be better if children face
with
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apply
show examples
the consequences of their crime. Both views have their own ideas
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay. There have been underlying reasons in
punishment
Correct article usage
the punishment
show examples
 caused by criminal
activities
Use synonyms
stem
Wrong verb form
stemming
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 from parents.
To begin
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 with, the penalties for parents should be considered to deter
from
Correct pronoun usage
them from
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 criminal
activities
Use synonyms
.
This
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 can be explained by the fact that
this
Linking Words
 is
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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paramount because families are accountable
to shape
Change preposition
for shaping
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 their children’s personalities. It is worth
to note
Wrong verb form
noting
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most of the youngsters’ characteristics
reflects
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflect
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 from
parent’s
Check wording
parents’
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 long-term
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, families, especially
parents
Punctuation problem
parents,
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 play
pivotal
Correct article usage
a pivotal
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 role in children’s
acting
Replace the word
actions
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 as many
crimes
Use synonyms
 can be a reflection of
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
show examples
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there is a commonly-held belief that it can be informative for children to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
legal repercussions when they
are committed
Wrong verb form
commit
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crimes
Use synonyms
. In essence, it is of paramount importance because most
of
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apply
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people would share the idea that the young offenders have to take
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
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 in tough conditions to learn not to engage
with
Change preposition
in
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 a variety of
crimes
Use synonyms
. One instance that exemplifies
this
Linking Words
 is in most
of
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apply
show examples
developing countries,
rising
Rephrase
where rising
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 criminal
activities
Use synonyms
 could be caused by the socio-economic problems.
Thus
Linking Words
, punishment
sometimes is
Correct word order
is sometimes
show examples
 necessary for children to prevent their
further
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 mishandling
behaviors
Use the right word
behaviours
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will
ended
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 up with
crimes
Use synonyms
. In light of the above
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Change preposition
apply
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although
Linking Words
, both young offenders and their guardians should be punished
due to
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 their
misunderstanding behaviors
Check wording
misbehaviours
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will have negative consequences in their future. Yet, I am of the opinion that it could be more reasonable if guardians
punished
Verb problem
were punished
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to increase their living standard.

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task response
Your introduction needs to be clearer. It’s important to clearly state both views and your opinion at the end. Try to use simpler sentences that directly express your thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stays focused on it. Each idea should support your main point about punishment. Avoid mixing ideas too much.
task response
Add more examples to support your points. For instance, when you mention developing countries, you can explain how specific programs help reduce crime. This strengthens your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could restate your opinion more clearly. It’s a good chance to summarize your main points and give a final thought on the issue.
task response
You have a clear understanding of both viewpoints, which shows good depth in your discussion. Keep this balance in your writing!
coherence cohesion
Your essay is organized into paragraphs, which helps in following your ideas. This is a good practice to maintain!

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • children
  • commit
  • crimes
  • punished
  • parents
  • responsible
  • teach
  • right
  • wrong
  • society
  • consequences
  • learn
  • rules
  • guidance
  • behavior
  • future
  • anger
  • resentment
  • upbringing
  • accountable
  • moral
What to do next:
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