Some people argue that the fitness and strongest individuals and teams can achieve the greatest success in sports. But other people think that success in much related to mental attitude.

The achievements
to
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of
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success
Use synonyms
have two views. Some argue that
success
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in sports in regard to body endurance
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
others,
however
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, believe
this
Linking Words
advance is related to mental strategy. I consider both opinions
are like
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to be a stepping
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step-stone
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stone
show examples
for accomplishments in athletic activity. Originally, supporters of the physical power cite that
success
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in matches relies on fitness.
Strongest
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Strong
show examples
and good-shaped bodies have numerous effects on players like
self-
Correct word choice
such
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confidence
Use the right word
as self-confidence
show examples
and self-image. To be more precise, not only
they
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do they
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have a high chance of
success
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in contests, but
also
Linking Words
experience a high quality of
live
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life
show examples
. The more stamina an athlete has, the more tolerance they show under physical pressure.
For instance
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,
the
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according the
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statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
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of
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from
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Harvard University
is conducted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, competitors with strong and powerful muscles can readily beat their
proponent
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opponents
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.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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strongest
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strength
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and fitness play a significant role in athletic life.
On the other hand
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, others believe that overcoming
on
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apply
show examples
mental challenges is a key factor in
athlete's
Correct article usage
an athlete's
show examples
success
Use synonyms
. When they are defeated in a match, it is possible to lose their
self-steam
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self-esteem
show examples
. In challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, positive thinking and
mental
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a mental
show examples
mindset lend a helping hand.
For example
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, Michael Jordan was a symbol of persistence and effort because he was never discouraged, just as he has said'' I have
field
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failed
show examples
over and over and over again in my life. And
that is
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why I succeed
''
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
Thus
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,
anyone
Use the right word
no one
show examples
cannot
Rephrase
can
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deny the importance of
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
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approach in
individual's
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an individual's
show examples
life.
To sum up
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, both physical
strengthen
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strength
show examples
and mindset act as vital factors in an athletic career
,
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.
show examples
I strongly claim that a healthy mind lives in a healthy body.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using linking words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally'.
Task Achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points; this will help make your arguments stronger.
Task Achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your examples, like Michael Jordan's quote, add strength to your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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