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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that the fitness and strongest individuals and teams can achieve the greatest success in sports. But other people think that success in much related to mental attitude.

The achievements
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 have two views. Some argue that
success
Use synonyms
 in sports in regard to body endurance
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 others,
however
Linking Words
, believe
this
Linking Words
 advance is related to mental strategy. I consider both opinions
are like
Verb problem
to be a stepping
show examples
step-stone
Use the right word
stone
show examples
 for accomplishments in athletic activity. Originally, supporters of the physical power cite that
success
Use synonyms
 in matches relies on fitness.
Strongest
Replace the word
Strong
show examples
 and good-shaped bodies have numerous effects on players like
self-
Correct word choice
such
show examples
confidence
Use the right word
as self-confidence
show examples
 and self-image. To be more precise, not only
they
Verb problem
do they
show examples
 have a high chance of
success
Use synonyms
 in contests, but
also
Linking Words
 experience a high quality of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
. The more stamina an athlete has, the more tolerance they show under physical pressure.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Change preposition
according the
show examples
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 Harvard University
is conducted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, competitors with strong and powerful muscles can readily beat their
proponent
Use the right word
opponents
show examples
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
strongest
Replace the word
strength
show examples
 and fitness play a significant role in athletic life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that overcoming
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mental challenges is a key factor in
athlete's
Correct article usage
an athlete's
show examples
success
Use synonyms
. When they are defeated in a match, it is possible to lose their
self-steam
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
. In challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, positive thinking and
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
show examples
 mindset lend a helping hand.
For example
Linking Words
, Michael Jordan was a symbol of persistence and effort because he was never discouraged, just as he has said'' I have
field
Use the right word
failed
show examples
 over and over and over again in my life. And
that is
Linking Words
 why I succeed
''
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
anyone
Use the right word
no one
show examples
cannot
Rephrase
can
show examples
 deny the importance of
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 approach in
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's
show examples
 life.
To sum up
Linking Words
, both physical
strengthen
Replace the word
strength
show examples
 and mindset act as vital factors in an athletic career
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I strongly claim that a healthy mind lives in a healthy body.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow of ideas by using linking words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally'.
Task Achievement
Provide clearer examples to support your points; this will help make your arguments stronger.
Task Achievement
You present both sides of the argument well, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Your examples, like Michael Jordan's quote, add strength to your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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