Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It is widely believed that
children
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are having
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have
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excessive exposure to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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screen
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screens
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in
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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daily
life
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lives
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.
This
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essay will explore the intention behind
such
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action and why I advocate that it is a negative development.
To begin
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with,
children
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are addicted to the smartphone
due to
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its convenient, recreational and attractive characteristics. First and foremost, messaging apps
such
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as Instagram and
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
show examples
are very prevalent among the younger generation, enabling the real-
time
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online interaction that
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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considerable convenience and greatly
facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
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people’s
live
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lives
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.
Secondly
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, people who are keen on chasing trends may be indulged in some social media — TikTok and Facebook — which involve short and
fast-past
Use the right word
fast-paced
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videos that completely satisfy their curiosity.
Moreover
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, some meaningless and satisfying games may be
the
Correct article usage
a
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major distraction for teenagers who are obsessed with the internet. In fact, students who are demotivated and frustrated by their low
score
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scores
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in
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on
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tests are more likely to be fascinated with games which help them achieve
the
Correct article usage
a
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sense of accomplishment. From my perspective, I firmly
suppose
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believe
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that prolonged exposure to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smartphone
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smartphones
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is a negative development which may cause serious health
issue
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issues
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.
This
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is because
the
Correct article usage
apply
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eyes
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eye
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strain may be formed if adolescents are spending too much
time
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on their phone without any outdoor activities to
fresh
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refresh
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their eyes. A study conducted by researchers had claimed that the problem of
children
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's nearsightedness is becoming increasingly severe and occurring at an earlier age.
Furthermore
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,
children
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’s physiological functions may decline
and
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, and
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their emotions could accumulate stress
due to
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insufficient exercise and lack of
time
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spent outdoors.
As a result
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, it will
pose
Verb problem
have
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a negative impact on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical and mental health. In conclusion,
children
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tend to spend a considerable amount of
time
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on
such
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activities
due to
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their entertainment value, convenience, and strong appeal.
However
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, excessive usage may cause significant illness, so parents could take sensible precautions
such
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as
guide
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guiding
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and
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
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their screen
time
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in order to avoid exploitation.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main idea in each paragraph to support your argument better.
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coherence and cohesion
Rephrase some sentences for clarity and flow, so the reader easily understands your message.
task achievement
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Good use of reasons to explain why children are attached to smartphones.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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