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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below show the number three types of visitor to a museum between 1997 and 2012

The chart below show the number three types of visitor to a museum between 1997 and 2012
The given bar chart
demonstrated
Wrong verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
show examples
 to a
museum
Use synonyms
 in three different
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 over the period 1997 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the total
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
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 in the year 2007 witnessed the highest category.
In addition
Linking Words
, there was an upward trend in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 in the
group
Use synonyms
 of adult
visitors
Use synonyms
 and special exhibition
visitors
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the opposite was true for the
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Check wording
visitors
show examples
 under 15
Check wording
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
. Looking at the chart for more details, in 1997, the
number
Use synonyms
 of adult
visitors
Use synonyms
travelled
Correct pronoun usage
who travelled
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 stood at 300,100 after
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 a peak
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 400,500 in the next decade, and
then
Linking Words
 it decreased to 380,000
people
Use synonyms
 by the end.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who came for
special
Correct article usage
the special
show examples
 exhibition was about 28,000, which was the lowest figure
through out
Use the right word
throughout
show examples
 the period
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 approximately 14,000
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
over 15 years. Regarding the remaining category, the
group
Use synonyms
 of
under 15
Use the right word
under-15
show examples
 children
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 was the only
group
Use synonyms
 that saw a downward trend. Starting at 120,000 in 1997, and
then
Linking Words
 it fell gradually to 82,300
people
Use synonyms
, with
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2002, 2007,
2012
Correct word choice
and 2012
show examples
was
Replace the word
being
show examples
 around 110,000, 87,000,
82,300
Correct word choice
and 82,300
show examples
, respectively.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, it can be seen from the chart that adult was the
group
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
, which accounted for the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of all time, and the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
traveller
Fix the agreement mistake
travellers
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
museum
Correct article usage
the museum
show examples
 climbed from 448,100 to 504,300
people
Use synonyms
, with 448,100, 441,200, 525,200, 504,300, respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, group, number, people, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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