IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some believe that advertising encourages people to buy unnecessary products. Others say it helps people make better purchase decisions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about whether advertising encourages
people
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 to buy unnecessary
products
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 or
advertising
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apply
show examples
helps
people
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 make better
purchase
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 decisions.
While
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 both
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
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 views have their merits, I am inclined to believe that advertising encourages
people
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 to buy unnecessary
products
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. On one hand, many
people
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 argue that advertising helps
people
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 make better
purchase
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 decisions. They believe that advertising is a
guidance
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guide
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to
Change preposition
for
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 individuals to buy
products
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 which they want to
purchase
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.
For instance
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, a vehicle advertisement disseminates itself
through
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by
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 introducing its engine power and its data to fascinate
consumers
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.
Therefore
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, it is convenient for
consumers
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 to
purchase
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 and enhance the
company
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company's
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 influence.
On the other hand
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, I would argue that advertising encourages unnecessary purchases through false advertising.
This
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 is mainly because there is a lot of fake information in advertising.
Moreover
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, that fake information will lead
consumers
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 to
purchase
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 something unnecessary.
For instance
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, fashion brands will launch their new
products
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whit
Use the right word
with
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 a video advertisement. In the video,
products
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 will be linked to the fashion and social status
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is not
real
Correct article usage
a real
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 attribute of the
products
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. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,
this
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 makes
consumers
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, especially the young
consumers
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 who haven’t developed up value opinion,
attract
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attracted
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 to buy items they don’t really need.
As a consequence
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, individuals would
purchase
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 a lot of unnecessary
products
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 which were deceived by fake information in advertisements.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
 advertising helps
people
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made
Wrong verb form
make
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a greater
Use the right word
better
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 decisions in purchasing, I strongly support the view that advertising encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to buy unnecessary prod

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Try to stay on topic and develop your points fully.
task achievement
Use more clear examples to support your arguments. Providing specific facts or real situations can strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and sentence structure. There are some small mistakes that can be fixed to improve clarity and flow.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is very important in IELTS essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance, which helps the reader understand your viewpoint from the start.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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