Prevention of crime is more important than punishment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that
crime
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prevention
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has higher priority compared to punishment. I partially agree with
this
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opinion and will support my view with relevant reasons and examples. One compelling reason for
this
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view is that most of the
crime
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recently has been caused by the family breakdown.
This
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means that the majority of the
crime
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could be lowered by strongly supporting families as a
prevention
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strategy. Another point worth noting is that a
crime
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causes financial costs to victims and governments.
This
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has been demonstrated by the study of
crime
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in Korea over the
last
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20 years. The study indicated that it took more than 10 years for the victims to get completely compensated for the
crime
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,
according to
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the average salary in Korea.
Also
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, the debt from the government increased more than 3 times, making it impossible for the government to completely pay for the annual debt.
However
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, I would argue that
this
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idea has several flaws.
Firstly
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, there are several types of
crime
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that cannot be solved only by
prevention
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. The complication of cybercrime has been well demonstrated by its fast advancement. The methods and the duration of cybercrime have been upgraded frequently by the invention of AI, which can’t be solved only with
prevention
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strategies.
Moreover
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, the time for the criminals to get fully rehabilitated takes longer. It could lead to economic loss to a corporation that the criminal belongs to, because the age of most of the criminals is in the range of the working-age population.
To sum up
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, I agree that
crime
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prevention
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is more important than punishment because of the presence of family support systems and the financial loss to victims and governments.
However
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, I disagree with the idea to a large extent because of the
crime
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types that are not covered only by
prevention
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, and the long period of criminal rehabilitation.

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task achievement
Work on making your main points clearer and more connected to your main argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try using more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to give more specific examples that directly relate to your points.
structure
You have a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your views well.
content
You provide some good reasons for your opinion, especially about family support and financial costs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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