IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You are planning a holiday and want to find out about the kinds of holiday packages that can be arranged by a local company. Write a letter to the company to as for information about the holiday packages they offer. In your letter: say where and when you would like to go include details about the kind of holiday you would like to take say what kind of information you would like to receive.

Dear Sir/Madam I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter with regard to
know
Verb problem
learn
show examples
 more about the holiday packages now
offering
Wrong verb form
being offered
show examples
 by your travel agency. I have gone through your website to answer myself
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 still some points that I did not get. About the location and time, my family and I would prefer a place that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
both
Use synonyms
 mountain and ocean. Four of us
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a period of 5 days off in
mid July
Use the right word
mid-July
show examples
, and we would like to return earlier of the
fifth
Correct word choice
fourth
show examples
 day, in
advanced
Replace the word
advance
show examples
 to prepare to get back to work on the day after. In the list, we are now
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
between
Change preposition
about
show examples
 Bali, Indonesia and Phu Quoc, Vietnam.
Both
Use synonyms
 of them
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to be trending tourist attractions
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 summer. As I checked,
both
Use synonyms
 had almost sold out
Linking Words
Change preposition
by this
show examples
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 end of June since our agency offers a competitive price
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 services and
beneficials
Correct your spelling
benefits
. We would like to know more about Bali and Phu Quoc,
such
Linking Words
 as transportation and the weather over there,
hence
Linking Words
 we can make the final decision after gathering the pros and cons of
both
Use synonyms
 places. We
also
Linking Words
 want to know more about the airlines, do we need to buy a checked bag in
advanced
Replace the word
advance
show examples
 or will it already
included
Verb problem
be included
show examples
 in the ticket. I would appreciate
to get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 the answer back from you soon about my concerns. Best Regards. Huy Lam

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greeting and closing
Try to improve the greeting by using a specific name if possible, or use 'Dear Customer Service Team'.
single idea per paragraph
Make sure each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea, and consider separating the request for information into its own paragraph for clarity.
greeting and closing
Add a closing sentence that thanks them for their assistance, to make the tone more polite.
complete response
Include more specific details about the kind of holiday you want, such as activities or preferences, to enhance your response.
logical structure
Check your sentence structure; some sentences are a bit long and can be simplified for better clarity.
logical structure
Use clearer and correct comparative forms, like 'more beneficial' instead of 'beneficials'.
complete response
You clearly stated your preferred locations and travel dates, which is excellent for task achievement.
suitable writing tone
You expressed a polite request for information, maintaining a courteous tone overall.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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