IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more and more people are finding about their family history. Why?is it a positive or negative development?

People in some countries around the world are showing keen interest in learning about their family
history
Use synonyms
. The major causes of
this
Linking Words
 trend are : contribution to medical research and tracing the roots of their origin and ancestry.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that it is a positive progress as it is useful to cure diseases and good traits of the family can be inculcated. The primary reason why
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals explore about
history
Use synonyms
 of their family is that it helps in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 analysis of an individual. To be more precise, the genetic makeup of a person can be examined through gene mapping
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is beneficial to predict ailments, syndromes and mutations, which have detrimental
affects
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effects
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 on one's body.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young generations tend to trace the familial roots in order to know about the ancestral links and
possesions
Use the right word
possessions
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, they can try to meet their living relatives by exploring their origin and the family tree.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I am strongly convinced
by
Change preposition
that
show examples
 it
to be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 a positive development as it is useful in curing illnesses which are genetically acquired by the patient. There are several treatments in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medicine which require examination of family
history
Use synonyms
 to treat the person by knowing the dominant and recessive
trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits
show examples
 in the family.
For instance
Linking Words
, gene therapy is given to the affected
foetus
Use the right word
fetus
show examples
 by studying the mutations in parents and grandparents to protect the offspring from the deadly ADA disease.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
,
inculcation
Correct article usage
the inculcation
show examples
 of
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 values and traits
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 facilitated by the exploration of
family's
Correct article usage
the family's
show examples
 past. To fortify
further
Linking Words
, getting details about forefathers enables people to preserve their traditions and pass them
onto
Use the right word
on to
show examples
 younger generations to keep their race
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 existence. In conclusion, finding family
history
Use synonyms
 contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
field
Correct article usage
the field
show examples
 of science and tracking of origin and ancestral roots is enabled, which are the causes of
this
Linking Words
 tendency. I believe that it is a positive practice as it helps in curing sicknesses and instils valuable traits of the family.

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task achievement
Make sure to support each point with clear examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on some points to show deeper understanding.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Good structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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