IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries around the world, men and women are having children later in life. What are the reasons for this development ? What are the effects on society and family life?

The notion of having
children
Use synonyms
 later in life is not new, but only
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
recently has
been
Correct pronoun usage
it been
show examples
 discussed to a larger extent. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, the contributing factors leading to
this
Linking Words
 trend will be analysed, thereby pointing out solutions to prevent its
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. The trend of having
children
Use synonyms
 later was caused by several reasons, chief
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
 which include modern lifestyle, financial pressure. Regarding the former, many young people nowadays choose to invest their time in higher studies, enjoy life, and career development, as a way to achieve their
dream
Fix the agreement mistake
dreams
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a couple getting married has to be financially ready, the costs of raising
children
Use synonyms
, paying for education, and covering health. They are not yet payable
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 can be a heavy burden.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the phenomenon comes with serious implications. First and foremost, a clear consequence is that male, female marriage and having
children
Use synonyms
 later reduce the rate of childbirth
leading
Punctuation problem
, leading
show examples
 to a rapid population
aging
Use the right word
ageing
show examples
 rate.
In addition
Linking Words
, another potentially harmful outcome to take into account is that the health of the woman and baby may be affected when it is born.
Finally
Linking Words
, different
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
gap
Check wording
apply
show examples
and thinking
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 it harder for parents and
children
Use synonyms
 to understand each other.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, as far as I am concerned, the pros of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon could be surpassed by its cons. Those who become parents later will be more mature, responsible for their family, their
children
Use synonyms
. If parents are financially stable, they will provide the best possible support, giving kids a better life. In conclusion, through what has been discussed about the root causes of having
children
Use synonyms
 later, it is evident that the trend comes with consequences and benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Your introduction gives a good overview, but it would benefit from being clearer. Make sure to state the main points clearly and simply.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better. Use linking words to show how one point relates to another. This will help your essay flow better.
Task Response
Add more specific examples to support your ideas. This will help to make your main points stronger and more persuasive.
General
You've presented a relevant and important topic with good overall organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • developments
  • adulthood
  • education
  • career
  • financial stability
  • ready
  • start a family
  • assisted reproductive technologies
  • personal fulfillment
  • self-development
  • improved healthcare
  • life expectancies
  • cultural factors
  • religious factors
  • access
  • birth control methods
  • responsibilities
  • challenges
  • parenthood
  • influence
  • media
  • popular culture
What to do next:
Look at other essays: