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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Online education is becoming more and more popular. Some people claim that e-learning has so many benefits that it will replace face-to-face education soon. Others say tradional education is irreplaceable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, e-learning is
vast
Correct word choice
apply
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growing
in
Rephrase
rapidly in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Some individuals
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that online
education
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 is more beneficial than traditional
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
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while
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 others disagree.
This
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 essay will discuss the advantages of
study
Replace the word
studying
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 online
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such
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, such
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 as easy accessibility
,
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apply
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 and time saving.
Also
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, the disadvantages (lack of physical
interaction
Use synonyms
 with teachers and social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
). In my own opinion, I
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 face-to-face
education
Use synonyms
 is still the best. On the one hand, the advancement of technology
as
Use the right word
has
show examples
 made online
education
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 more eaiser and accessible for people all over the world.
For instance
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, you can have an international certificate through the help of studying online, one can obtain a
masterdegree
Correct your spelling
degree
 by enrolling online in Harvard University in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States
while
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 still living in Africa.
This
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 method of learning has
safe
Use the right word
saved
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 many
peoples
Check wording
people's
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 time because it is easy to combine work with study at the same time,
also
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 it is easy to schedule our learning based on our job.
However
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, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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e-learning is beneficial,
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 downside can not be oversight.
On the other hand
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, the traditional
education
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is the ancient type of
education
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 is still
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
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 very important in the community. Having a physical
interaction
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 with lecturers is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of learning in a classroom and is very crucial because it brings
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of belonging. As a
student
Add a comma
student,
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 you need to feel
relax
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relaxed
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 and loved in
other
Use the right word
order
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 to build your confidence.
For example
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, children of primary school age can only cope well in Face-to-face learning
due to
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 the support they need from their teachers to guide them
especially
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, especially
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 in
writting
Correct your spelling
writing
, and
this
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 will boost
thier
Correct your spelling
their
moral
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morale
show examples
.
In addition
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, social
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 will be
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
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 through traditional learning
,
Punctuation problem
.
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many
Fix capitalization
Many
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 kids nowadays can not relate well with people outside their families
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of social
interaction
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.
Moreover
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, learning in
classroom
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the classroom
show examples
 allows room to make friends, have group
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
show examples
,
share
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and share
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 ideas and opinions. E-learning can not replace
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traditional
education
Use synonyms
 because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 great impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. In conclusion, online
education
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 is widely popular now but still can not replace the olden days method of learning because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
education
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to strengthen the relationship and
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 free
interaction
Use synonyms
 with tutors.

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Task Response
Your introduction should clearly state the main points you will discuss. Also, ensure to give a clear opinion at the end of your introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. This helps the reader know what the paragraph will be about.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your sentences are complete and correct. For example, 'easier' instead of 'eaiser', and 'master degree' instead of 'masterdegree'.
Task Response
Use clearer examples to support your ideas. More specific examples will make your arguments stronger and clearer.
Task Achievement
You discussed both sides of the argument, which is good for a balanced essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion nicely sums up your opinion and the main ideas discussed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • e-Learning
  • face-to-face education
  • remote learning
  • virtual classroom
  • webinar
  • digital platform
  • self-paced learning
  • interactive learning
  • course accessibility
  • academic networking
  • pedagogy
  • synchronous/asynchronous sessions
  • MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses)
  • edtech (educational technology)
  • holistic development
  • practical skills
  • collaborative learning
  • digital divide
  • curriculum adaptation
  • technological literacy
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