IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that team sports prepare children for work life but others think individual sports are better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In
this
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 fast-paced world, there is a big competition among youngsters to adapt to society and improve the conditions for acquiring a better life.
Therefore
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,some people argue that group
sports
Use synonyms
 are better for children to gain a better work-life balance,
while
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 others contend that the appropriate one is individual
sports
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will
further
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 elaborate on two of the points ,
along with
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 my standpoint , and will lead to a sensible conclusion. For supporting the first school of thought, it is irrefutable that the benefits given by teamwork work ,
such
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 as
,
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apply
show examples
 collaboration with each other and working as a company to accomplish a particular target. To illustrate, when practising for a
team
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 sport
such
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 as Volleyball, Cricket , etc., students are aware of each other and their discussion as a
team
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 and coordination make them go forward and achieve the desired target without any remorse. So, experiences in
team
Use synonyms
sports
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 will be the highest qualification for work as a
team
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 in an office.
In contrast
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 to its other side, individuals say that
,
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apply
show examples
 individual games
such
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 as running events,high jump, long jump , etc. like give more confidence for pupils to engage with a peaceful professional environment. Individual
sports
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 create an extroverted person
,
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apply
show examples
 who has a strong mindset and a great personality to fight against any kind of circumstances in the workplace. To cite an example, a child
,
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apply
show examples
who plays in a running event
,
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apply
show examples
 always pursues victory with more belief and confidence and do workouts as best as he can for his ambition.
Consequently
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,they will be able to face up and resolve the problems occurring in the workplace with a brave mind. In conclusion to the above statement, I believe both
team
Use synonyms
sports
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 and individual
sports
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 are more essential for students to gain better work-life
in
Check wording
balance in
show examples
 their future.So in my opinion, any of the points cannot be underestimated , and
also
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 it depends on the mindsets of people that which view they are in favour of.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and a logical flow between sentences.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your main points, as this will strengthen your argument.
general advice
Ensure better grammar and punctuation for clearer communication of ideas.
content
You have presented both sides of the argument well and stated your opinion at the end.
structure
Your introduction gives a good overview of the topic and is clear about what your essay will discuss.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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