IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the past, a typical family consisted of a father who went out to
work
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 and a mother who stayed at
home
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 and looked after the
children
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;
however
Linking Words
, nowadays, it is the norm for
both
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parents
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 to
work
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation can affect
children
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both
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 positively and negatively. Some people think that the
children
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 of working
parents
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 are in an advantageous position as their
parents
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 are able to afford more luxuries
such
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 as new clothes, video games or mobile phones. Proponents of
this
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 view argue that
children
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 are able to enjoy and experience more from life
due to
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 their
parents
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’ extra wealth,
for example
Linking Words
, by going on foreign holidays.
On the other hand
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, there are those who claim that when
both
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parents
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work
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, their
children
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 do not get enough support and attention.
This
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 may mean that these
children
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 might not do as well at school because there is no one at
home
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 to provide support with
such
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 things as homework or exam revision. Young people may procrastinate or play games if their
parents
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 are not there to make sure they study. The absence of
parents
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 at
home
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 could
also
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 make it easier for
children
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 to get involved in
such
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 things as drugs or underage drinking. A responsible guardian at
home
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 can make sure that the young person does not get involved in dangerous activities with the wrong people. In conclusion, I believe that we cannot change the fact that
both
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parents
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 have to
work
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 nowadays; it is not an ideal situation, but if
parents
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 make time for their
children
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 in the evenings and at the weekends,
then
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 the
children
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 will not suffer in any way. It must be stated that the extra income generated by
both
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parents
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 working makes for a much higher standard of living
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 benefits the whole family.

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task achievement
Add more examples to support your points, such as specific activities children can do with their working parents.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. You might use linking words like 'however' and 'for example' more often.
coherence and cohesion
You could make your conclusion stronger by restating the main points clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly shows the topic and sets up the discussion well.
task achievement
You have good points on both sides of the argument, which shows balanced thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion about working parents and children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income households
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • emotional well-being
  • parental involvement
  • social development
  • extracurricular activities
  • childcare solutions
  • time management
  • career advancement
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