IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many teenagers these days spend time on social media. What are the causes

Correct article usage
The Uk’s
show examples
Uk’s
Use the right word
UK’s
show examples
 central office shows that over 42% of teenagers are addicted to social
media
Use synonyms
.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 is becoming something so crucial in our lives .
However
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 may
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 several
dangerous
Punctuation problem
dangerous,
show examples
 unnoticed things
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 for teenagers
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
effecting
Use the right word
affecting
show examples
 health, academic
performance
Use synonyms
. One possible effect on health
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused
due to
Linking Words
Using
Fix capitalization
using
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 is poor eyesight . Straining at
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
show examples
 for too long periods can affect teens’ eyes by damaging them through blue
light
Punctuation problem
light,
show examples
 especially
using
Rephrase
when using
show examples
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
 in dark
places
Punctuation problem
places,
show examples
 because
device’s
Correct article usage
the device’s
show examples
 light will be focused on the user’s eyes. Another possible effect is increasing anxiety. Using social
media
Use synonyms
 can increase anxiety to high levels. Social
media
Use synonyms
 applications are designed to keep you engaged with reels, notifications,or messages,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 keeps your brain in fight or
fight
Use the right word
flight
show examples
state
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 situation of
disordering
Replace the word
disorder
show examples
 makes you always
expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
show examples
 something urgent.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
show examples
 will reduce productivity
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tiredness and fatigue. Another problem
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by using social
media
Use synonyms
 is the academic
performance
Use synonyms
. Spending
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time on social significantly contributes to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 academic
performance
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 distractions
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of focus. Teenagers will be distracted easily by social
media
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 will
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 staying online more than focusing on their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they are influenced by
Influencers
Correct article usage
the Influencers
show examples
 they follow. In summary, social
media
Use synonyms
 has
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 impact on teenagers’ health, by causing eye strain and increasing anxiety. It
also
Linking Words
 reduces academic
performance
Use synonyms
 by distracting students from their studies and encouraging them
Verb problem
to prioritize
show examples
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 engagement over learning

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide more examples to support your points about health and academic performance.
task achievement
You identify important issues that social media causes for teenagers.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: