IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some argued that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 are exposed to
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
This
Linking Words
 essay disagrees with the statement because
health
Use synonyms
 awareness
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
depends on individual dietary and physical activity
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 not
because of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the place that they
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
.
The
Correct determiner usage
Health
show examples
health
Use synonyms
conscious
Replace the word
consciousness
show examples
 is an important factor
to prevent
Change preposition
in preventing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from getting diseases
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 one of
outstanding
Correct article usage
the outstanding
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factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dietary habits. A healthy diet that
compose
Verb problem
comprises
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
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adequete
Correct your spelling
adequate
 macro and micro nutrients
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as vitamins and
minerals
Punctuation problem
minerals,
show examples
 is crucial in preventing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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disease.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, less oily, salty and sweet foods are good in reducing the risk
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 chronic illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as hypertension,
diabetis
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 and heart
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 who live in the cities are usually busy and their time
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 fully occupied with
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
hence
Linking Words
 they have no time to cook.
This
Linking Words
 should not be a reason for them to choose
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy food if they have decided to get it from the stalls or online delivery.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 food delivery application
such
Linking Words
 as Grab Food, customers can choose healthy meals as their main course. Other than that, living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban areas
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not an excuse for
people
Use synonyms
to not
Correct word order
not to
show examples
physically
Verb problem
be physically
show examples
 active. Multiple parks for jogging or recreational activities have been developed by the developer
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 if they are staying at the
high rise
Use the right word
high-rise
show examples
 houses
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 promote
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
show examples
. Even in the office, employers
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 provide a small gymnasium to encourage their staff to exercise. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 is
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in China, specific time has been allocated for their workers for exercise.
This
Linking Words
to
Verb problem
is to
show examples
 boost
employee's
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 motivation and promote healthy mental states after a short break from work. Taking everything into consideration,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 one's
health
Use synonyms
 status
is not depends
Change the verb form
does not depend
show examples
 on the place they live.
However
Linking Words
, their
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 lifestyles are the main factor
to prevent
Change preposition
in preventing
show examples
 diseases. The healthy body
Linking Words
together
Punctuation problem
, together
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 with good mental
Use synonyms
health
Punctuation problem
health,
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 crucial for
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 person.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors to make your writing clearer.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds strength to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
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