IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The governments should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens’ health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the growing influence of authority funding has sparked considerable debate among the general public.
Although
Linking Words
 some individuals argue that defending
residents
Check wording
residents'
show examples
 well-being ought to spend money on medical
research
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that preserving the natural habitats plays a vital role in life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will aim to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, people should recognise that investing in medical
research
Use synonyms
 is essential. A very important point to consider is that governments need to allocate more funds to medical development.
This
Linking Words
 means that medical
research
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in protecting public
health
Use synonyms
. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point, I would like to mention that lawmakers should increase investment in hospitals,
research
Use synonyms
 centres, and healthcare infrastructure, especially in remote or highland areas where access is limited. Another point I would like to make is that protecting the environment is part of supporting public
health
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the fact that the increasing number of vehicles on the roads
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 has worsened air pollution, which negatively affects people’s
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some measures should be applied to improve community
health
Use synonyms
 from a more proactive perspective. In fact, people have
this
Linking Words
 opinion because
health
Use synonyms
 is one of the most vital factors in everyone’s life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, from my perspective, people should
also
Linking Words
 take personal responsibility for their well-being by exercising regularly and maintaining a healthy lifestyle
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 When individuals are in good
health
Use synonyms
, their energy levels and productivity increase, benefiting both themselves and society as a whole. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on authority funding highlights that investing in medical
research
Use synonyms
 is essential and improves community
health
Use synonyms
 from a more proactive perspective.
This
Linking Words
 examination prompts individuals to thoughtfully consider their preferences and the experiences that influence their
concern
Fix the agreement mistake
concerns
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to fully support your main points with clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your ideas in a clearer way. Use more linking words to connect your thoughts.
strength
The introduction clearly presents your opinion on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: