IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph shows average annual expenditure on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the
expanses
Use the right word
expenses
show examples
 to the cell
phone
Use synonyms
 and residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 from 2001 to 2010 , measured in
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
Use synonyms
dollars
Change preposition
of dollars
show examples
 .
Overall
Linking Words
, what
stand
Correct subject-verb agreement
stands
show examples
 out from the graph
that
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 there was an upward trend in the number of
profit
Fix the agreement mistake
profits
show examples
 for mobile
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 the residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 saw a significant decline in
expanses
Use the right word
expenses
show examples
 over the same period. Another interesting point is that in the year
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cell and residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 across the same point .
To begin
Linking Words
 with , the cell
phone
Use synonyms
 was the least popular ,starting with just 200
Use synonyms
dollars
Check wording
apply
show examples
in spending . After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the spending increased considerably . If you look at the line in
20o7
Punctuation problem
20o7,
show examples
 it was nearly reaching a peak ,but it failed to achieve it
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the number was about 600
dollars
Use synonyms
 . Moving on to residential
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 , it was the most popular
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 in 2001 had
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 highest spending
reaching
Punctuation problem
, reaching
show examples
 approximately 699
dollars
Use synonyms
 , and
then
Linking Words
 it dropped sharply over time to around 400
dollars
Use synonyms
. In the year
2006
Add a comma
2006,
show examples
 the usage of both
services
Use synonyms
 was almost the same at 600
dollars
Use synonyms
. Between 2006 and
2007
Punctuation problem
2007,
show examples
 the residential
services
Use synonyms
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 a quick decrease of 100
dollars
Use synonyms
 than any other
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, services, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average
  • expenditure
  • cell phone
  • residential phone
  • services
  • increase
  • decrease
  • significant
  • spending
  • surpassed
  • gap
  • preferences
  • shift
  • changes
  • technology
  • usage
  • patterns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: