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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows average carbon dioxide (CO2) emissions per person in the United Kingdom, Sweden, Italy and Portugal between 1967 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph displays the
Use synonyms
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
emissions
Use synonyms
 of Carbon per person in four European countries from 1965 to 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
emissions
Use synonyms
 of
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
Kingdom
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 decreased throughout the time frame,
while
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
 of Italy and Portugal
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 grown over time. The lowest number of
emissions
Use synonyms
 was in
Sweden
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
highes
Correct your spelling
highest average
avrage
Use synonyms
 was in the United
Use synonyms
kingdom
Fix capitalization
Kingdom
show examples
. In
1967
Punctuation problem
1967,
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 both the United
Kingdom
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 and
Sweden
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has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 the highest carbon emission
point
Check wording
apply
show examples
per person among the four countries
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just above 10 and around 8
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. The United
Use synonyms
Kingdom
Check wording
Kingdom's
show examples
Use synonyms
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
 number
then
Linking Words
 gradually declined to about 9 in 2007,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Sweden
Check wording
Sweden's
show examples
emissions
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 witnessed a slight
raise
Use the right word
rise
show examples
 to about 10 in 1977
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they dramatically fell to the lowest point at almost 5 in 2007.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Portugal had the lowest carbon emission
Use synonyms
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
 between the four countries over the time period,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 with just over 1 in
1967
Punctuation problem
1967,
show examples
then
Linking Words
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 to about 5 in 2007. Italy started at around 5
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 fluctuated over
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 until it reached about 6 in 2007.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words avrage, emissions, kingdom, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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