IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. *Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.*

There is no denying the fact that in specific
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 kids are involved in some kind of paid employment.
there
Fix capitalization
There
show examples
 is type of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
see
Correct pronoun usage
who see
show examples
this
Linking Words
 as a definitely wrong thing,
in
Linking Words
contrast
Punctuation problem
contrast,
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 see it as a beneficial work experience,
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
at
Use the right word
it
show examples
 gives you the benefit of learning and how to be a responsible young man.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that working as a child may be more valuable, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 consider that working has many benefits for youngsters.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, life
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 kids important lessons which can help them to make the right choice, and how to deal with other people.
In other words
Linking Words
, jobs can help youngsters to understand life situations, and how can the deal with money,
for example
Linking Words
 when you are a child and you have the ability to buy games and a lot of stuff
that is
Linking Words
 soo hard on them,
in addition
Linking Words
 to jobs teach them how they control there emotions for buying unnecessary things. Another point of view to consider is that children
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to manage
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 time between
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 job and school,
Linking Words
moreover
Punctuation problem
moreover,
show examples
 in the morning they have school and afternoon
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 job time will start for five hours as maximum time per day. In conclusion, despite people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 different beliefs,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that paid employment
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 plenty of
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
, one of them
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
 you be a social kid,
Linking Words
secondly
Punctuation problem
secondly,
show examples
 how to be a patient minor. <:booster_lv5:1057030325550723102>

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly focuses on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to help guide your reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points, such as specific job types or experiences.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling errors to improve clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion about the benefits of paid work for children.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay displays a willingness to discuss both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystems
  • irreplaceability
  • endangered species
  • habitat depletion
  • climate change
  • global warming
  • deforestation
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainability
  • conservation efforts
  • pollution
  • ecological balance
  • resource scarcity
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • impact assessment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: