IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for peole. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is positive or negative situation?

Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 in several countries prefer to own a home
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
renting
Wrong verb form
rent
show examples
 it. From my point of view, the main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue becomes a case is that
perspective
Correct article usage
the perspective
show examples
 of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 on owning a home is a
life-time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is a good development of
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 mindset
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
 many of them. In
this
Linking Words
 current era, everyone is trying hard to keep their
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 balanced
due to
Linking Words
 inflation, and investing
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
house
Use synonyms
 is a priority to choose. The range price of a
house
Use synonyms
 to buy is tremendously escalating time to time, causing
people
Use synonyms
 to have a mindset of affording an accommodation is a primary need that should be accomplished in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 time.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, particularly in Jakarta, a
house
Use synonyms
 selling brochure, shared
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the public area,
presents
Verb problem
states
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 need to pay ten times
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 price in just over two past years.
This
Linking Words
 case becomes a reference to many
people
Use synonyms
 to feel
worry
Replace the word
worried
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
show examples
 to afford a
house
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they decide to buy by putting aside other needs.
Due to
Linking Words
 inflation in almost all of the countries in the world, one of the most critical
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have to
be aware
Verb problem
make
show examples
 is
that
Change preposition
whether
show examples
 owning a
house
Use synonyms
 to stay alive in a stable condition. The chance to own a private place to live is getting narrower and extremely limited. In response to that,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
raising awareness of having a
house
Use synonyms
 became a positive improvement.
For instance
Linking Words
, those who
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
an essential necessity
such
Linking Words
 as owning a
house
Use synonyms
 will gain
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
Punctuation problem
, life
show examples
life stable
Correct word order
stable life
show examples
condition
Check wording
apply
show examples
in terms of accommodation
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to others who
decided to
Verb problem
have
show examples
 not
focusing
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on that.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is a good situation to keep
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
life in stability
Replace the word
lives stable
show examples
 even in the middle of financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
over
Change preposition
across
show examples
 the country. The difficulty
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 owning a
house
Use synonyms
 year to year is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 main
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
people
Use synonyms
prioritze
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 themselves to buy one.
This
Linking Words
 awareness is a positive improvement of individual perspective
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can lead them to have
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 stable life in terms of accommodation.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating the reasons why people prefer to own homes.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Add a conclusion that summarizes your main points clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences. Clear and simple sentences are better.
task achievement
You included some relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Your ideas show good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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