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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

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The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The diagram illustrates the process involving seven main steps to transform
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 into
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the manufacturing of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is a linear and
mechanized
Change the spelling
mechanised
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 process, beginning with growing
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 in the field and ending
in
Change preposition
with
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 drying and cooling of the final
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Use synonyms
 are planted and taken care
about
Change preposition
of for about
show examples
 12 to 18 months.
Then
Linking Words
, these
canes
Use synonyms
 are harvested by farmers or harvesting machines.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they are put into
an
Correct article usage
apply
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equipment so that they can be
crashed
Verb problem
crushed
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 into juice. Meanwhile, to purify
this
Linking Words
 liquid,
limestone
Correct article usage
a limestone
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 filter is used. After that, pure juice is delivered to an oven where it is heated and evaporated. Once the evaporating stage is completed, the juice is changed to syrup. In the next stage,
Use synonyms
sugar
Correct article usage
the sugar
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 crystal is separated from
syrup
Correct article usage
the syrup
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. Eventually, it is cooled and dried by another machine to lower the temperature
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 through the process,
sugar
Use synonyms
 is produced at
last
Linking Words
.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, canes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • manufacturing process
  • cleaning
  • sanitation
  • quality control
  • crushing
  • extracted juice
  • boiling
  • concentrated syrup
  • crystallization
  • sugar crystals
  • separation
  • molasses
  • purity
  • quality
  • food processing
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