IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in other countries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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While
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 many think that professional workers owe a debt to the country they are trained in, I believe they should be free to work where they choose because they can make more money.
On the other hand
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, professionals often receive considerable funding from their government to become fully qualified. it is only fair that they should repay
this
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 support by working in that place.
This
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 is because they often do jobs that greatly benefit society, and
this
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 is why their government invested in them in the first place.
For example
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, the UK spends millions of pounds training junior doctors through university tuition fees and job training.
However
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, every individual should have the opportunity to reach their maximum potential. Those employed in the professions are some of the world’s most highly skilled workers;
therefore
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, they are in huge demand. There is a global market for their skills, and they can command much higher salaries by moving abroad. If they were blocked
away
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from doing so, it would be a substantial financial disadvantage for the individual.
For instance
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, dam engineers can make hundreds of thousands of dollars more in oil-rich countries,
such
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 as Saudi Arabia, compared to the remaining in Europe. I agree that the individual’s right to work wherever they place trumps any nationalistic considerations.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there is a tremendous amount of investment in a profession’s development. They should have the right to choose whether to repay that by working in their home country
,
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 or moving to a region that passes them the highest value for their skills.

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Task Achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task by discussing both viewpoints and giving your opinion. However, the explanation of each view and the reasoning behind your own opinion lacks depth and development. Aim to provide more detailed explanations and extend the discussion of each viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has an identifiable structure, it lacks clear logical sequencing and paragraph cohesion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas and arguments clearly. Paragraphs should have a clear central idea and subsequent sentences that expand on that idea with explanations and examples.
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