IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss these both views and give your opinion.

There are few
people
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 who have the point of view that
information
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of
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from
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 scientific research, business and academic
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
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 ought to be shared as much as possible. Whilst
,
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apply
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 others have
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 opinion, who
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
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 that there is some major
information
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 to be shared without any
cost
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.
However
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, I strongly believe that
such
Linking Words
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type
Correct article usage
a type
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 of
knowledge
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 must be shared freely. Some
people
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 believe that a fraction of
information
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 is too valuable to be cascaded down to
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 without any charge.
However
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, others and I think that any piece of
information
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 ought to be available to everyone for free worldwide. First and foremost, having more
knowledge
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 about scientific research, business
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the academic world will help
out
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
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understand their task and work properly. Means that if they are well equipped with
such
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knowledge
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,
then
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 they can prepare their assignments in
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 way and those who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in science
,
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apply
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they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
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this
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information
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 to make progress in their field.
For instance
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, there is China that
conduct
Correct subject-verb agreement
conducts
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 research on artificial intelligence, biotechnology
etc.
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, etc.
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and
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, and
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 they share
such
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information
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 with their
people
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 to enhance their interest and encourage them to work in it.
Therefore
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, sharing
such
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 outcomes with
people
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 is beneficial.
On the other hand
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, few individuals believe that
this
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type
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 of
information
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 is very critical to be shared free of
cost
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.
However
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, if they
will
Verb problem
apply
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get all
this
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information
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 free of
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cost
Punctuation problem
cost,
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then
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 they will not understand their true value and will not work on the given
information
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.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there is no
such
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 country
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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such
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information
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 in exchange
of
Change preposition
for
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 money but it will be more beneficial
that
Change preposition
if
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such
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knowledge
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Use synonyms
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 some amount. In conclusion, as we have discussed both
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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whether
Change preposition
of whether
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knowledge
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 should be provided freely or in exchange
of
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for
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 money. I understand that providing
this
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type
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 of
information
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 freely will encourage individuals to come forward and show their talent. There are so many
people
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 who will not
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to afford
such
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 fees and
therefore
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, they will be left behind.
Moreover
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, giving free
information
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of
Change preposition
on
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such
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 subjects will motivate
this
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type
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 of class of
people
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 to participate in the race of innovations.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion. Instead of saying you strongly believe in sharing knowledge freely right away, you could mention both sides first before stating your position more clearly in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to help guide the reader on what each section is about. Starting with a strong sentence can make your points easier to follow.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples for each point to strengthen your arguments. Examples like 'China sharing AI research' are good, but you could add more details about how this impacts people or the field.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of presenting both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of discussion.
coherence cohesion
You express a clear opinion that knowledge should be shared freely, which is important for clarity in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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