At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the numbers of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
contemporary world, there is a dramatic
excessive population
Check wording
excess
show examples
of youngsters rather than the figure of elderly people. I am wholeheartedly of the opinion that a great
number
Use synonyms
of youths can be more advantageous,
although
Linking Words
it may contain an abundance of challenges, far outweighing its drawbacks. One advantage of having a younger population is that they can contribute to economic growth through their innovation and concerted efforts. In essence, most young individual can bring their fresh perspectives and their willingness to take risks. It is worth noting that in a large
number
Use synonyms
of developed countries, a sheer figure of youth population may have a greater potential for cutting-edge technology and social progress. One instance to exemplify
this
Linking Words
is China, as a highly developed country, where the youngsters could help provide their citizens with many high-tech amenities.
Thus
Linking Words
, not only do the youths have more benefits, but they can
also
Linking Words
preserve their community with their reasonable insights. Despite many positive aspects, it is
also
Linking Words
necessary to consider its potential drawbacks. It is true that young generations may offer their community numerous positive points, yet,
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
individuals can play a pivotal role in
society
Punctuation problem
society,
show examples
need to obtain their experiences, acquiring through their entire working period .
Moreover
Linking Words
, an overwhelming
number
Use synonyms
of youths may lead to an increase in the rate of feeling frustrated, social unrest, and economic inflation, which may have negative consequences for nations. A case in point is that in some developing countries, most job hunters are being dismissed with an increasing
number
Use synonyms
of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
which arises from a lack of job opportunities and an irregular
number
Use synonyms
of young generation. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
most professional and well-experienced individuals should
flourish
Verb problem
hone
show examples
their skills to develop their country's future, I strongly believe that young adults can be more productive and handful for their communities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your introduction has a clear opinion, but adding a brief outline of your main points would help the reader understand your argument better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more clearly. Using linking words like 'firstly', 'next', and 'finally' can help your reader follow your thoughts.
Task Achievement
Make sure to explain how your examples support your ideas more clearly. More specific details would strengthen your points.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion in your introduction and conclusion, which is important for engaging the reader.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing economic growth and young people's role.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • population
  • young adults
  • older people
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • economic growth
  • work
  • innovation
  • businesses
  • ideas
  • society
  • perspectives
  • creativity
  • enthusiasm
  • progress
  • technological advancements
  • unemployment
  • jobs
  • social issues
  • crime
  • dissatisfaction
  • services
  • education
  • housing
  • resources
  • health
  • vitality
  • healthcare costs
  • aging population
What to do next:
Look at other essays: