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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph displays the
number
Use synonyms
 of
incidents
Use synonyms
 for three different
Use synonyms
crime's
Check wording
crime
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 categories in Newport city centre between 2003 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of car theft and robbery
incidents
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 both saw a slight fluctuation throughout the
period
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 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
bulglary's
Check wording
burglaries
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crime
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant drop to almost half of the beginning of the
period
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. The
number
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 of
burglary
Fix the agreement mistake
burglaries
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 was the highest type of
crime
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 among the three categories, which started at about 3400
incidents
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.
This
Linking Words
 figure peaked at around 3700 before
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 declined dramatically to approximately 1250 by 2008. For the next four
years
Add a comma
years,
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this
Linking Words
number
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 fluctuated between 1250 to 1500, reaching about 1300
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
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. The car
theft's
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theft
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crime
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 began at about 2750, slightly fluctuated between 2100 and 2750, and reached around 2400 by 2012.
While
Linking Words
 the
robbery's
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robbery
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crime
Use synonyms
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 almost stable and was the least
number
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 of
incidents
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 among the three over the
period
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. The figure started at about 700
incidents
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 by the end of the
Use synonyms
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 the
number
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 was almost similar to the
started
Replace the word
starting
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number
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, incidents, crime, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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