IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
teenagers
Use synonyms
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
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 all their
time
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
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might have ` negative
effect
Use synonyms
 on their social
skills
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 my
Correct your spelling
perspective
prespective
Add a comma
prespective,
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree because
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 can
makes
Wrong verb form
make
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teenagers
Use synonyms
 addicted and spend all their
time
Use synonyms
 in their room using their phones and never get out of it .
Body · 1
On one hand, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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teenagers
Use synonyms
 are big fans of social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 like to play
an
Correct article usage
apply
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online
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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, look for trends, and
texting
Replace the word
text
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.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 could
be
Verb problem
apply
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happen because parent
are
Verb problem
do
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 not really care about their social
Use synonyms
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
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thus
Linking Words
 they
did
Wrong verb form
do
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 not
advice
Replace the word
advise
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 their children or
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
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 them to do something else.
Body · 2
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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teenagers
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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relay
Use the right word
rely
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 on the
internet
Use synonyms
 for their
studying
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
, learning new
skills
Use synonyms
, watching
an
Correct article usage
apply
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english
Fix capitalization
English
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 tutorials,
having
Correct word choice
and having
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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online lessons.
Linking Words
furthermore
Fix capitalization
Furthermore
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,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 some
teenagers
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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traveling
Use the right word
travelling
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 to another country
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
 and they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 have a friend yet
or
Punctuation problem
, or
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 they just miss their family
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
; this
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 could make them use all their
time
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
 communicating with their family.
Body · 3
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 my opinion, spending
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
time
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
 might have a negative
effect
Use synonyms
 on
Use synonyms
teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
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 social
skills
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
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 is because they might get addicted and will not give any importance to their social life since they have everything they want and enjoy on the
internet
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 waste all their
time
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
might
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a negative
effect
Use synonyms
 on their social
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 spending
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 huge amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on the
internet
Use synonyms
 will
Use synonyms
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 their social
skills
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 could be a positive
effect
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to use paragraphs to structure your essay clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
task achievement
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling. Some sentences have mistakes that can confuse the reader.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your ideas, which can make your argument stronger and clearer.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion about the topic, which is good for this task.
task achievement
You included some relevant points about teenagers and internet use, which helps to explain your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • essential social skills
  • in-person communication
  • constant internet usage
  • cyberbullying
  • social anxiety
  • self-esteem
  • real life
  • social media platforms
  • online communities
  • communication skills
  • peers
  • similar interests
  • shy or introverted
  • less intimidating
  • confidence
  • improve social skills
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