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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table provides information about underground railway systems in six major cities with free data, kilometers of route and passengers of year in millions.

The table provides information about underground railway systems in six major cities with free data, kilometers of route and passengers of year in millions.
The table provides information about underground railway systems in six major cities with free
data
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
 of route and
passengers
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
per
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 year in millions.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Loss
Fix the agreement mistake
Los
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 Angeles had the highest
opened
Wrong verb form
number of open
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data
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
Londen
Use the right word
London
show examples
 had the highest number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the kilometer
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kilometer
Use the right word
kilometre
show examples
 of
route
Correct article usage
the route
show examples
 field. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that the
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
number of passengers
show examples
 per year in
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 was the most
across
Change preposition
among
show examples
 other cities. In
opened
Wrong verb form
the open
show examples
data
Use synonyms
 field, Los Angeles and Kyoto recorded the highest numbers of
data
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2001 and 1981, respectively.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by Washington
DC
Punctuation problem
, DC
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 and
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 moderately recorded
1976
Change preposition
in 1976
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 and 1927.
In contrast
Linking Words
, London and Paris had the lowest
data
Use synonyms
approximately
Punctuation problem
, approximately
show examples
 1900 and 1863. Meanwhile, London had the largest number in terms of
kilometer
Use the right word
kilometres
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 of route at 394, and the smallest was Kyoto
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 11
Use synonyms
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
 Paris
Use synonyms
Tokyo
Punctuation problem
, Tokyo
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 Washington
DC
Punctuation problem
, DC
show examples
 vary in range between 199 and 126
Use synonyms
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Loss
Fix the agreement mistake
Los
show examples
 Angeles
close
Verb problem
is close
show examples
 to 28
Use synonyms
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
.
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 recorded a significant number of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per year
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 1928 million.
While
Linking Words
 Paris recorded 1191 million
passengers
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
, London had 775 million. The rest of the cities recorded lower than 50-150
passengers
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words data, kilometers, passengers, tokyo with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provides" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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