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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table provides data about underground railway systems in six major cities, including the year they opened, the length of their routes in kilometers,

The table provides data about underground railway systems in six major cities, including the year they opened, the length of their routes in kilometers,
The table provides data about underground railway systems in six major cities, including the year they opened, the length of their routes in
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
, and the
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per year (in millions).
Overall
Linking Words
, the oldest systems were in
London
Use synonyms
 and
Paris
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 Los Angeles had the most recently opened system.
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 annually,
whereas
Linking Words
 Kyoto had the shortest route and the fewest
passengers
Use synonyms
. Los Angeles and Kyoto recorded
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
 between 2001 and 1981, respectively.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by Washington
DC
Punctuation problem
, DC
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 and
Use synonyms
Tokyo
Punctuation problem
Tokyo,
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were
Verb problem
which had
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 between 1976 and 1927
passengers
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 and
Paris
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
Use synonyms
passengers
Punctuation problem
passengers,
show examples
 approximately 1900 and 1863. Meanwhile,
London
Use synonyms
 had the largest
number
Use synonyms
 in terms of route in
kilometer
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
394
Punctuation problem
, 394
show examples
passengers
Use synonyms
 , and the smallest was Kyoto
around
Punctuation problem
, around
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 11
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
Paris
Use synonyms
,
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 and Washington DC
in
Verb problem
are in
show examples
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
 between 199 and 126
kilometers
Use the right word
kilometres
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Loss
Fix the agreement mistake
Los
show examples
 Angeles
close
Verb problem
has close
show examples
 to 28
passengers
Use synonyms
.
Tokyo
Use synonyms
 recorded a significant
number
Use synonyms
 of
passengers
Use synonyms
 per year
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 1928
million
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
Paris
Use synonyms
 recorded 1191
million
Use synonyms
passengers
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
,
London
Use synonyms
 had 775
million
Use synonyms
. The rest of the cities recorded less than
Less than
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
150
million
Use synonyms
passengers
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, passengers, london, paris, tokyo, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provides" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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