IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In some places in the world, the increasing presence of fast
food
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 has directly caused many people's health to deteriorate
due to
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 overeating. Noticing the situation, THE country administrators decided on a solution that I disagree with, which is setting a new tax on the beloved
food
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. From one standpoint, higher taxes on processed
food
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 could have a hand in improving citizens' health. In the first place, the primary reason why people willingly consume
food
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 with low nutritional
values
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value
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 is because of its affordability compared to its organic counterpart. If we strip down fast
food
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's advantage of being cheap, various individuals will probably have to consider trading convenient meals for healthier ones, reducing the looming risks of diseases. For
this
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 outcome, taxation might be a good answer to the overconsumption question.
Nevertheless
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, the
governments'
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government's
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 approach is not guaranteed to work and may have unwanted effects when looking from a financial perspective. As far as I am concerned, fast
food
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 is an economical choice for numerous individuals, many of whom have low or average incomes. To introduce the tax policy is to bring more burden to citizens who already have a tight
food
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 budget,
not to mention
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 that other alternatives like organic
food
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 are still relatively more expensive even with the tax raise.
In addition
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, the amount of
food
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 customers consume at fast-
food
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 locations is inextricably linked to the number of workers in said places. After all.
no
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No
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 buyers means nothing to sell, so the need for employees is meaningless.
As a result
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, not only will the governors' decision affect consumers, but it will
also
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 drag down the employment rate.
To conclude
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, raising taxes on pre-cooked
food
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 can be seen as an appropriate measure in theory.
However
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, real life has many aspects to consider, and the new rule may make the problem go from bad to worse.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to follow a clear structure: introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple connectives (like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'for example') to guide the reader through your ideas and help with flow.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
Your points are well-articulated, showing some understanding of the arguments for and against the tax.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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