IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, fast
food
Use synonyms
 has
became
Wrong verb form
become
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 an
unneglectable
Correct word choice
indispensable
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 part in the life of many
people
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it causes many perilous factors that we can’t expect. That’s the reason why the government opt for reducing the consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
 by imposing
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 tax on it. I both agree and disagree with
this
Linking Words
 solution, which can enhance the lifestyle of inhabitants
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 can cause many problems. One of the most fundamental reasons that can demonstrate why
people
Use synonyms
 generally select fast
food
Use synonyms
 is its convenience and inexpensiveness. In
this
Linking Words
 busy era,
people
Use synonyms
 obviously prefer prepared
food
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 one more essential thing is that it’s affordable.
However
Linking Words
, the
patients
Check wording
prevalence
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 of obesity and diabetes will
be increased
Wrong verb form
increase
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, which diminishes
people
Use synonyms
’s lifespan.
For example
Linking Words
, in many developed countries, sugary drinks and snacks taxation has already
implemented
Verb problem
been implemented
show examples
. The government has
recognized
Use the right word
recognised
show examples
this
Linking Words
 hazardous situation
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
, therefore
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taxing
Replace the word
taxation
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 is considered to be applied. Despite the benefits that are listed above, it seems unfair for many
people
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
blue – collar labors
Correct your spelling
blue–collar labourers,
 since their budget can’t afford costly taxation.
This
Linking Words
 may be a
double - edge
Use the right word
double-edged
show examples
 sword that
complicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
complicates
show examples
 the
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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 of unlucky
people
Use synonyms
. If they don’t have enough money, it will lead them to poverty and worsen their health.
This
Linking Words
 may cause some difficulties and disadvantages
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is an urgent situation that should be resolved as soon as possible.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, the government is supposed to have
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 policy in order to reduce the use of fast
food
Use synonyms
 and support the
average – income
Use the right word
average–income
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 simultaneously.

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task response
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and summarize it strongly in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it flows logically to the next paragraph. Use linking words to connect your ideas.
task response
The essay discusses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
task response
Some relevant examples are included to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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