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Writing Samples
Band 7

the chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

the chart below shows the result of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The bar chart provides key information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
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 and
tea
Use synonyms
 buying and drinking habits in
Sydney
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, Melbourne,
Brisbane
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, Adelaide and Hobart in the
last
Linking Words
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
. The units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the percentage of went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 in Melbourne had the highest figures,
while
Linking Words
 the
proportion
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 of went to a cafe for
coffee
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 or
tea
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 week in Adelaide had the lowest. In general, there were noticeable differences among the categories.
According to
Linking Words
 what it shows, in the
last
Linking Words
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
, the percentages of
coffee
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 and
tea
Use synonyms
 buying and drinking in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest
proportion
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 at around 64%,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
proportion
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 of
coffee
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 and
tea
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 buying in
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 was lowest at 49%. In a short time, all cities experience an upward trend throughout the period. Meanwhile, the figures for the percentages of
coffee
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 and
tea
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 in the
last
Linking Words
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
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 and
Brisbane
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 changed from 43% and 33% to 64% and 49%. The gap between the
proportion
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 of
coffee
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 and
tea
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 buying and drinking habits in Melbourne and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 remained significantly compared to Adelaide and
Brisbane
Use synonyms
 had lower figures.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, coffee, tea, sydney, brisbane, weeks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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