IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people prefer to go to gym and clubs for health care but others say walking and jumping stairs are more effective. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
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 modern era, people have different points of view pertaining to the best manner to do and physical actions
such
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 as workouts, running and jumping. In
this
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 essay, I will highlight the benefits of utilising dedicated
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or health places, as it is the reason for my agreement with
this
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 statement. In order to maintain a healthy lifestyle, people choose to go to a top-class gym or health centres for the seek of coducting physical activities
such
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 as weightlifting, cardio and swimming , which are considered their optimum solution to sustain a healthy life
as well as
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 a fit body.
Moreover
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, a global study aimed to showcase the importance of using official sports and well-being centres revealed that 99 per cent of sports injuries resulted from the improper usage of non-dedicated recreations and incorrect usage of uncertified equipment.
On the other hand
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, doing outdoor exercise
such
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 as walking and jumping stairs could be
much
Correct article usage
a much
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 cheaper
options
Fix the agreement mistake
option
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 as they don't require any fees , and you can perform
such
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 activities nearly anywhere.
Nevertheless
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, the option might cost more than you
expect
Punctuation problem
expect,
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 as the drawbacks outweigh the benefits in terms of facility safety , equipment availability, and qualified staff. These factors play a major role in my agreement.
To sum up
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, official gym and energy centres provide reliable and high-standard services that would lead you to achieve your goals without risking your health or body,
while
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 outdoor sports could generate a similar experience , but they may expose you to several safety threats that might hinder your ability to secure the expected outcomes.

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task achievement
Consider making your introduction more engaging by restating the question more clearly and showcasing your position earlier.
coherence cohesion
Try to group similar ideas together to improve flow and clarity in your paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
In your conclusion, rephrase key points to reinforce your opinion more strongly. Make sure it feels complete.
task achievement
You made clear points for both views, which shows good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of specific examples helps to illustrate your points effectively, especially the study about injuries.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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